This is probably by far the most honest blog post I might be putting out so far but I'm happy to be back on my keys again. It did just occur to me, why do I have wait to be in a completely better place before actually getting back to you guys? I've finally managed to scribble this reminder onto my brain - I don't need to become better before having something valuable to say. Not everything in my life needs to be picture perfect for me to share what's close to my heart with you. Besides, my experience of deciding to kick the bucket and get up and make an opportunity for myself may or may not help some of you out there. God's grace and blessing has shown itself in the most unexpected way for me...however He just might be waiting for you to take the first step and get up.
The FOMO (Fear-Of-Missing-Out) during my freelancer blues while looking left and right at every other freelancer or influencer was paralyzing me and actually making me miss out and get stuck. My mistake was I looked beyond MY lane. Suddenly everyone was posing and posting non-stop about anything and everything and where they were at. I had never hit a WALL like this and it was new to me. Read on for the full post and see the steps I took to reach higher ground.
There is nothing wrong about the amount of content posted out there, there is a lot of super good stuff. However, you still have the power to choose how much you look at and how long to scroll through that feed. Too much good stuff becomes bad stuff when time is wasted. I'm not throwing shade at anybody except myself for just one thing, my small mistake was I GOT STUCK THERE WATCHING AND ALMOST STOPPED LIVING. Before continuing on, take a break and watch this video my mother shared with me about self-compassion. I've learned from it that I spend a big chunk of time beating myself up for too long which in turn becomes unproductive. Learning to love and be confident in yourself EVEN after you make mistakes is the key to moving forward better. Replace "luck" in the video with "grace" and it makes even more sense.
The problem was mine. While some of us who fall into that pity party begin secretly despising everything Pinterest-y people are posting we tend to forget that the people who have time to do all that jazz online now actually focused first on tackling their nitty gritty responsibilities behind the scenes: bills, schedules, and errands. That has made room for them to do, build, and post the pretty stuff. The unattractive real life responsibilities you don't post still need fulfilling in order to lift the quality of life that you can post. That paralyzing FOMO vibe that infected me was just a toxic train of thought that followed the real challenges I was facing...there was the pitfall. There were also the naturally piling things I dealt with as a single person renting out in the city: debt, disappointment, and decline. Everyone has their dose of the middle. I have experienced neither of the first and the latter in my life so they were new to me, too. So here were the steps I took to get unstuck.
"You don't think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking." -Henri J.M. Nouwen, Dutch Catholic Priest, inspirational author Things I Did to Get Unstuck
- PRAY. TELL SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR CAT AND THE CEILING. Remember, it's okay to cry. The first person I told was Jesus, because He's my best friend. When I pray for myself I don't try to be so eloquent na (unless I'm praying for someone or writing) so I was like "Lord, I'm kind of like failing at life here and it's mostly my fault. May kodigo Ka ba?" Tell friends or family you have about the real deal, just two or three people you trust. Nice also if they know each other so they can tag team in order to support you. Remember, perhaps for this type of "stuck" situation, a few trusted ones lang. While you're in it, your dignity is still important. You don't want a whole room of people at a party to ask "How are you na?" the next time you walk in.
- GET UP AND MOVE. You will literally be swallowed up by the sands of time if you don't move AT ALL (and that last wisp of sand that swirls in the wind when you disappear will be the last we hear of you if you freeze). Momentary sadness about your situation is allowed but you can't just sit there and binge on whatever, whether it's food, that online series, or social media. When I didn't know what to do at first coz I didn't have traction I chose to workout and get fit. Working out IS important when you are in a slump of any sort because your mind when it isn't your smooth-running engine is also your worst enemy. Exercising prepares you for the nitty gritty, it also helps you feel better when you look in the mirror daily. Your body is the closest thing to YOU so why shouldn't self-improvement begin right there?
- MAKE CONTACT. Blast emails, companies, friends who are bosses, family who know clients or people looking for people. You'll be surprised, sometimes you don't even need to send out too much to a hundred people (it may or may not require that, though, depending). I got a response back after a couple of emails and in two weeks a solid opportunity presented itself.
- CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, BE THANKFUL, AND STAY POSITIVE TO DO TOUGH TASKS. Never let your mood be your excuse for unproductivity. If you wait for your mood you'll waste time. Put on Gospel music and do the things you need to do that you don't feel like doing and you'll be glad you did them. You'll realize later on you'll want to choose to do them ahead of all the other things you'd rather be doing just so you can enjoy moments of relaxation later on.
- "COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY" Stop looking at other people's lives...just for awhile until you find your feet. Remember, once you are out of this slump (and you WILL be if you take steps) you'll be able to encourage and help someone else who gets stuck in a similar spot.
