Back in January I entered an online weightloss competition, The Blogging Biggest Loser. So many people entered that the final jackpot came to $2180. I had no intention of winning, and I didn’t. Here I am, as a loser, and I’m saying losing isn’t necessarily a bad thing; I’ve learnt a lot about myself in the process.
For instance, I know that on the days I step on the scale and the number isn’t progressing in the direction I want, I don’t update my online weight tracker. I’m dedicated to sharing my journey with you, but apparently not that dedicated.
The days I lose track of how many calories I’ve consumed, I also don’t enter my food for the day although I often think to myself ‘One billion calories!!!’, and am sadly amused.
I know that I missed a few check-ins throughout the competition because I’d either had no progress that week, or I was up and too embarrassed to send in a picture of my scale showing a higher number than the week before.
I know that I use food to try to suppress negative moods, as if it doesn’t ‘count’ under certain circumstances.
I know that I am still far from 100% dedicated to this long road that I’m on and I am easily distracted by little side roads.
I know that despite having a goal, that goal can sometimes be detrimental. I am trying to lose a big chunk of weight before having another baby. My weight has never been a complication in my pregnancies or births, but my last pregnancy was very physically difficult. If losing weight first could alleviate that, all the better. But… sometimes it just seems like too long to wait.
On the positive side, I know that I am not giving up. I am much better at accepting the backward steps I take and not letting a few pounds gained mean the end of the world.
So the truth is that I’ve somehow gained five pounds over the past ten days since I last ‘weighed-in’ on myfitnesspal. I expect most of that will go pretty quick, some being water weight, the rest being PMS eating. Yeah, PMS, first time in two years! Hooray!
I’ve been ‘this’ weight for a long time. If I don’t deal with my root issues, nothing will really change. I’d rather lose it slowly and lose it for good than lose it all and gain it all back again.
So there you have it.