Really? Just stop?! How frustrating is that?When I hear stories of people responding in that way I just want to scream! I want to open up a can of whoop a** and say the following:
"Just Stop?! Just Stop. Hmmm, why didn't I think of that? Why haven't I tried to just stop before? Where was my common sense in continuing to do something that I didn't want to do. Where was my brain when I continued this destructive behavior when I could have simply STOPPED. Silly me. Ok, thanks so much for the advice. I'm all fixed now & I'll just stop."
Honestly people, if it was as easy as just stopping, we'd all be perfect.
Think about that for a moment.
As you examine your life can you honestly say their isn't something in your existence that you'd love to stop doing? Maybe you overeat or are too prideful. Perhaps you consistently find yourself over budget at the end of every month. Or maybe it's something smaller like spending too much time on Facebook.
Whatever it is, just stopping isn't always the answer and it isn't always easy. Furthermore, when addressing shameful secrets or addictions, offering the advice to "just stop" can be extremely detrimental.
You see, addicts spend their days trying to stop. They beat themselves up when they slip, they often find themselves in seemingly hopeless situations, and they literally cannot stop. The brain is a tricky thing & while God designed us to crave the good, satan has twisted that gift & drawn us to crave the bad. I found a very simple (although addiction isn't simple) breakdown of addiction & the brain, complete with engaging visuals that allow to you see what is happening in an addict's brain & what keeps them coming back for more.
Conquering an addiction does not require simply stopping the behavior. Addicts are looking for something to fill a void. And that void is different for each of us.
Loneliness. Pain. Rejection. Fear. A desire to be loved.
These are the voids that threaten to hold me captive.
When abstaining from destructive behavior that void is left wide open with nothing to fill it. Some addicts hop from one addiction to another looking to be filled because in all reality the behavior itself isn't the problem. It's the void. The empty place.
So in love, I say to you, you who have the best of intentions & who genuinely want to help your struggling loved ones: Just stop.
Stop saying "Just Stop". Instead, sit with them in their pain. Pray for them & with them. Help them process the empty place. Seek out resources. Stop looking for an easy fix, because most likely there isn't one. Stopping an addiction is anything but easy. But together, WE can stop the misconception that addiction is a self-control issue. Together we can work on responding to confessions in love & in grace. And in doing so we are helping others take the first step in getting free.
