Today I broke my new sewing machine, the first time I ever touched it…
I always wanted to be a fashion designer
I feel like my dreams are shattered on the floor
I am not sure how to create when I have no ideas anymore
Left only with empty pages
I can’t do anything right!
what is even the point of being here
The machine got jammed with fabric…
I have no creative outlet
The only thing that keeps me feeling sane
I feel nothing but blackness
Sorrow and loneliness are the only thing I can taste
Nothing makes me excited
Can’t find any music that makes me feel happy
I cant sleep
I don’t know who I am anymore
Or what I want to even do with my life
Dissociated from reality
God why did you leave me here alone
in this ugly stupid world
A world where I am so deep within my walls no one can get close enough to hep
I can’t even get close enough to help…
I am so frightened and broken
I am so little
Shattered in shards of glass
Unable to trust anything
So confused about what is even reality
You did not protect me
My PTSD is a lurking monster under my bed
It is the world I live inside my head that I can’t even see
It is so deep in my consciousness I can not remember
But I can feel the terror
shaking my bones
Rattling my core
I am so incredibly exhausted of feeling awful every moment of the day
So cold and disillusioned
This time of year is always really hard for me
I feel as if my soul has given up and retreated completely inward
Impossible to focus
No concentration
Confusion
Isolation
God i ask and I ask for your help but I do not feel you anymore
I do not feel anything but anger
I don’t mean to be angry at you, i know it is not your fault
I just really can not do this alone anymore
I feel I have reached the very brink of insanity
Stay strong <3"><3"><3 you are not alone
