I don't know if it's that nasty Mother's Guilt at play once again.. but many times, I hear mothers say: I didn't want to go back to work but I had to due to circumstances. And I miss my kids. I didn't want to do this.
I believe it's a genuine case for many mothers. And I can definitely empathize with that heartbreaking feeling of leaving our kids behind for lack of any other choice. I have had to do that before in the past.
The topic of mothers returning to work has deeply interested me in the last few weeks since I myself have taken a more significant step to returning to work.
But I just want to say... I have returned to work because... I want to. Because I wanted to indulge in my self. My own dreams. My own passions. My own ambitions.
Is that selfish?
It makes me nervous to say that because I haven't actually heard many mums say that. Maybe for fear of judgment from fellow mums and being at the mercy of "don't you know your kids need you?!" lectures.
Well, I believe my kids need me. And at barely 2 years old, I do not currently feel comfortable leave my baby at daycare every day.
But this is what I believe.
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I believe that it is up to myself to make a balanced arrangement, as best as I can with whatever I have.
I believe I can be a mother and still look after myself.
I do not believe condemnation for being selfish should be endowed upon a mother who chooses to even dare to indulge in herself for a second (much less have the silly guts to announce it).
Afterall, this is also what I believe:
These days, I wake up and jump out of bed with a sense of purpose and passion. I have so much more energy despite feeling physically tired at times, but you know what I mean.
And for that, I think I am actually a better parent.
I actually do more things in a comparatively lesser amount of time just because I'm filled with purpose and passion as I have allowed myself to indulge in my interest. I actually set aside more quality time with the baby when I take breaks from work compared to when I had a whole quantity of time with her in the past.
This is not to say that my kids failed to fill me with a sense of purpose and passion when my main title was a stay home mom. This is to say that I, as a person, have more to myself than being a mom. I have needs, passions, ambitions that step outside of motherhood. Motherhood gives me things so unique that I can't find elsewhere. But I am not only a mother. Now that my other needs are fulfilled, I feel more alive than ever.
So I am here to say, I have returned to work... but I have no small print disclaimer saying "only because I have to; I would never leave my child willingly". I have returned to work because I actually want to and I believe I can and I believe I should, for my self.
Linking up with Essentially Jess on this pensive Tuesday :)
