Don't you sometimes, mostly, feel constantly judged by every parent around? I feel that this awareness that we are being judged on how we parent in private, in public, in front of friends is what leads to making parenting mistakes that we don't even realize we are making.
If you are a regular reader, you know by now that I have a daughter and she isn't the most swift talker. See - right here is where I made the very first mistake without realizing that someday she will be reading it. I openly described my daughter as "NOT A SWIFT TALKER" at age 2.5 years. I judged her based on certain yardsticks and out was the judgement.
I am sure these types of statements are a common incident in households around the world. Did I consciously call her what I did? Was my remark intentional? Hell ya! It was pure intention, not to hurt my daughter, but to steer myself from further questioning by people who constantly bombard my daughter with Hi's and Hello's and are pretty sad if she doesn't respond. I wanted to save the entire process of cross-questioning. What should my approach have been to avoid this parenting mistake of taking cover? Simple! Stop avoiding or dodging questions
So, I have summed up some parenting mistakes that we as parents just commit and don't realize the little hearts that we are breaking in the process. I am sure unlike me, you guys might be unintentional with the mistake. But, nonetheless, lets try to avoid these!
Telling What to think instead of How
Feed your mind! This is something every individual knows as the truth of life. You want to know more about how the world operates, feed your mind. But, when you are feeding minds of young children, let them think the how and why, rather than feeding the What.
Replacing time with money
Times are not as they were when we were young. Sometimes, both parents need to work to keep the household running. But, reserve some time for your kids during the weekends. Don't use the bonding time for that quick weekday preparation or quick meet with friends.
Patronizing them irrespective of situation
Don't we all do it? As parents we have that soft spot and pride when we see our little one climb the ladder of success. Though most sane parents won't patronize their kids in situations that require them to teach right from wrong, it can happen that c certain behavior that you deem correct might in fact be wrong in the larger picture. It happens to everyone, so keep your mind and ears open when someone tells you that you are patronizing.
Gossiping in front of children
You are cringing, aren't you? I am too! I am guilty of this. Though she is too young to actually understand all this, I have to nip this habit in the bud.
Not following through your promises
Oh I hate this one! My dad is guilty of it. I still don't trust him if he says that we are going for dinner tonight. Whatever might have been the reasons, I don't want my husband or me to commit to something we canlt fulfill. It's difficult winning trust, let alone of a child, I don't plan on losing it so easily.
Being a hypocrite
I can hear you giggling already! Let me give an example, so when my daughter yells, I yell back asking her to calm down. I am sure you know where I am going with this example
Not being transparent about your true feelings
I see numerous moms guilty of this. We just act like majority of women and tend to sulk and hope that someone will figure out why you are sulking. No one will unless you tell them! You will be laying the foundation of being true with your inner voice. If you are sad, tell them what behavior of theirs made you sad. I do that with my daughter and I see her understanding it slowly.
Being a helicopter/obsessive/controlling parent
Been there Done that! I was a hawk in the first year of my daughter's life and slowly I am learning to let go. Let go safely that is. I know it is difficult, but hey who said parenting was a walk in the park.
These are some of my worries about parenting mistakes that can hurt the child in terms of their confidence and ability to trust in the world. You can try to avoid these, though you might trip once in a while, and that's OK!
Can you share the parenting mistakes that you cringe over? Let us know in comments
