It took a really long while.
Asking for help, that is.
I am currently in a situation with a knee injury, that causes me to review that fateful day, back in 2004 where I was limited to only the use of one leg. I was hopping all over the airport in crutches, and here I am again. The airport!!? You may exclaim, wondering what the heck was I doing traveling with a sprain and crutches! Yes, I was very vulnerable, yet I was not going to have a trip stop me from taking care of myself and attending one of the most life-changing conferences I had ever attended.
You see, I was headed to a leadership conference that was sure to boost my esteem and take me up a few notches in terms of who I am, but I had to first believe I was capable of handling it for a six day conference in another state.
I guess I should tell you how I got the sprain: Yes, I was leaving someone's home, and fell on the ice. As for my current situation, ( in 2015), I was sitting on the floor with a little girl in therapy, went to stretch, and sprained it again! So, in 2004, I had an all -expense paid trip to a leadership conference spending time with amazing leaders and friends I tend to really enjoy being around, and i simply adore spending time with people who love on me, and help me lead. That's the most simplest way I can describe it.
So when I arrived, at our very first meeting, in Washington, D.C. we checked in and had a small meeting to become reacquainted with one another, after years of absence. As the greetings were coming around to me, and it was asked how I was, I responded by being absolutely honest with my group of deep and emotionally intelligent friends and mentors. I knew even if I tried, that I could not get by them for an entire week; being fake for the next six days. I began to tear up and tell them How vulnerable I had felt, traveling form New York to D.C. and how I constantly was in situations where I was not sure what to do and how to navigate the course I was on.
Our leader , suddenly realizing I was in flux, and had an entire week ahead of me; said to me: " Jennifer, I want you to look at each one of us in this group, in the eye, and with great sincerity, and say: "Can you help me?" And so , I did. I went slowly and asked. that's all I did. With every response of : "Yes, I will help you.", I was empowered.
I learned how to ask for help for the first time in my life, at the age of 37. And all week, I was SO FREE.
l was asking for help!
Since endurance is my word for the year and I have so struggled with myself this year, and my sense of vulnerability, I decided to write again on the word. It's really been a while since I wrote on the topic, because I think I got lost for a few months. And that's the truth.
The last time, I sprained my ankle, my struggle was with asking for help. This time, it's recognizing my strength in coming into my own abilities. When does it stop? The answer: Never. We are constantly growing. And life is in a constant demand of us proving we can handle its demands.
And so here I am . Growing and sharing gems of my worth in my first online course that leads me to share information on what I know about self care, because it's so needed, and so necessary, to thrive. It's the difference between life and death. health or wasting away, Hope or Sorrow. This quote by Sue Bryce, photographer, today, gave me perspective:
"I've searched my whole life ...looking for what is good self esteem and what is self love, and self care... .saying no when you don't want to do something, being emotionally honest ( vulnerable), with yourself and others, and being self-sustaining and comforting yourself the way your comfort a child you love, & caring for yourself. We have to learn how to put ourselves first and then we can change our entire world."
I am also learning the power of vulnerability.
Vulnerability can push you forward maybe ten years in maturity,if you would only acquiesce to it. Allowing yourself to feel. Allowing your self to self-reflect and be self aware. Allowing yourself to be present and notice life around you and take an honest evaluation of what is working, and what isn't, and being willing to risk change, as a result. To try something new ad different because life requires that we do. and noticing the cadence of it. Not struggling, complaining or fighting that wave, but choosing to ride it , when it comes, trusting God will make all things new.
Amen. I believe that's all I have to say..
So... the power of being vulnerable and allowing myself to make the necessary shifts and changes that present themselves before me, whether they be requests from friends, or opportunities for advancement, I should learn to acquiesce and makes allowances, for myself to grow, and heal. So I can pass it on, to the next generation, and to the next few that come along and desire to grow and look to me, for mentor-ship, after I have also been mentored.
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