Life Coach Magazine

How Do I Get My Ex Back?

By Whyjournal
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How Do I Get My Ex Back?

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If you landed here you most likely had a recent breakup or have been thinking about your ex and are trying to find ways to get them back. As you probably know, there is tons and tons of advice out there with lots of different tips and tactics on trying to win back the heart of your ex. While a lot of the time these tactics might work on getting the attention of your ex, it does not mean that you will be able to create a new long lasting relationship.
The point of having contact with your ex again is not really just for him/her to say hi, though sometimes when you have not heard from them for a while, a simple hi can be very exciting, the point is to be able to be at a point in which you two can communicate again and try to progress to a new level.
I would like to discuss some of the tricks and tactics that I have read about and why I think it might not be the best idea to try to use these tactics.
First I will start with saying that getting back your ex should not be a game. If you love your ex then what you want to do is be with them and have a relationship, what good will really come from playing games? Here is a list of reasons of why I do not believe that you should use any advice you get as a game.
1. Trying to make your ex jealous. I have read many articles telling people that they should try to make your ex jealous. Maybe if they see us with another person then they will rethink the whole situation and want you back. While it is true it may make our ex think a little when they know we are with somebody else, it is not a long term plan and can backfire. Here are some reasons why.
  • For one if you just recently broke up and you ex thinks you are already with another person, they might say wow, maybe I did not mean that much to them anyways. This might make them withdraw even more and it may be harder for them to approach you again.
  • Another thing that may happen is, if they know you really well they might know what you are up to. They may see past your little scheme and realize that you are just trying to make them jealous and they might find that immature and a turnoff.
 2. Another thing I have often read is to tell your ex that you are totally ok, that you have moved on and that you are doing all of these wonderful things without them. The goal of this trick is to make your ex think that they are not that important and that you have your own life. I will say, yes it is very important to be able to be self dependent and do things for yourself. You do want to get to a place in which you can do things on your own and for yourself, but DO NOT lie about it and make up stories so that your ex thinks that you have moved on. Here are some examples of why I think that is not a good idea.
  • First of all, if you go and make up a stories about all of the wonderful things you are now doing since you have broken up then you are starting your communication off with a lie. You are trying to rebuild a new relationship and relationships are built on trust. What is going to happen after you start talking about all these new adventures? You are going to have to continue building on the lie. Really what good will that do? You will eventually have to tell them that you were lying and start another fight, or your ex may realize you were lying and back away again.
  • If they think that you are doing all of these wonderful things now they might start to think to themselves, hmm I wonder why they did not do these things when we were together. Was I holding them back? Are they really better off without me?
3. The "NO CONTACT" rule. I have read about using the no contact rule as something that you must do in order to get back with your ex. I will strongly agree that there should be a period of no contact which I will explain in a bit, but the reasons why I think that there should be a no contact period is a little different than why some people explain. This to some is suppose to make the other person think, wow they have not contacted me, maybe I should call and see what they are up to. Yes that may work, but if they do call and see what you are up to because you have not called or contacted them in a while, and you are still an emotional mess, they are going to be able to tell that and back away again. You know exactly what I mean. I bet you have tried this. You really want your ex to contact you so every single day you fight the urge to call them. You have all these feelings built up inside and have the phone attached to your hand waiting for it to ring or for your text to go off. What do you think will happen once they do call?
  • For one you are going to explode. More than likely you will tell them all about how you are feeling and are going to be an emotional mess. I know the advice tells you that once they contact you again, be cool and act like it is no big deal that they have contacted you, but really, you know as well as I do that if you have been waiting and waiting for your ex to call, and you have not worked on any of your own emotions, being cool is not going to happen.
  • What if you use the no contact rule and you do not hear from them? You try and try not to contact them and then they do not contact you. Then what? Does that mean that they do not care? It is so hard to say. Every person is different and maybe since you have not contacted them they feel like they should not contact you because maybe you do not want to talk to them.
You see this is why I think that we cannot follow tips and tactics to get back with our ex. Games are not going to work when you are trying to build something strong and meaningful. Each person, each relationship is different so how can I or somebody else say what is going to work for you?
Here is the bottom line. Do I think that the above things have to happen in order to get back with a past love? Well yes, they may have to happen. But not as a way to trick your ex into talking to you. You have to do these things for yourself in order to grow and heal.
Should you go out and have a good time, maybe talk with other people. Yes if you are ready then you should. You should do things that you want to do, have experiences that you have not had before, but they should be real and you should be doing them because they are things you want to do, not things you are doing to try to make your ex jealous or so that you could have awesome stories to tell when they finally do contact you.
Should there be a no contact period. I think that there should be. But this time should be used for you to understand your own feelings. Learn about yourself. See what your wants and needs are. You need to allow yourself time to heal. Time to be alone. Start a journal and write out all the pro's and con's of the relationship. What good the relationship did for you, what were the bad points? What you expect if you get back together. Record things that you think you need to work on and then start working on yourself. I believe that it is so important to understand our own feelings. And before you can start a new relationship, whether it is with your ex or with someone new, you have to be emotionally strong. If not, the new relationship is not going to go very far.
Well what if my ex contacts me and I am still upset? Remember it is totally normal to be upset. It might take a really long time to heal. I do not think that it is wrong in any way to express your true feelings. Of course you should not ramble on and on about how much you want them back and how much you need them. Telling them that you can't live without them is going to put to much pressure on them right now and that is not fair to the other person. But letting a person know that they mean something to you and that you care is not a bad thing in my opinion.
If you are killing yourself by not contacting your ex, I say do it. Just get it over with. The more you hold it in, the worse you will feel. Do not contact them a million and one times. If they do not answer, do not continue to text or email. Maybe they are not ready to talk. But showing genuine concern for another and giving respect should not hurt any.
The key here is to build an honest, strong relationship. A new relationship. You both will need time. Work has to be done. No matter what, you  must completely heal before starting again. Yes even though it is the same person, it is a new relationship. Treat it as if they were a different person. Would you want to bring feelings from a past relationship into a new one?
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How Do I Get My Ex Back?

How Do I Get My Ex Back?
How Do I Get My Ex Back?

How Do I Get My Ex Back?

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Add a comment

By David Nancy
posted on 15 September at 11:49

I never believed i could be happy again in my life, until i came in contact with this great man Dr Adodo who God used in helping me, am writing this testimony with tears of joy rolling down from my eyes,i have been in relationship with Phillip for good 12 years i was 15 years old when we started the relationship and now am 27 years old i loved Phillip and he loves me too,December 2011 that was when were suppose to do our wedding but surprisingly Phillip changed to something else, his attitude was very bad towards me and this lead to quarreling and misunderstanding between us because Phillip has never acted like this before,so due to the quarreling and all that Phillip left the house and never called me nor text me for Good 1 year he changed his number, i was so worried i tried all i could to reach him but there was no way, i felt like dieing i was confused and frustrated, so i had to try spells to see if that can bring him back to me, i contacted so many spell caster who happens to be scams, i spent a lot of money i even took a loan of 70,000usd just to get him back all this money went in vain and i did not see any result was confused,i wanted to commit suicide but a friend keep on encouraging and giving me hope,she was always with me to keep me company,one day she came with her friend who just came to visit her and found my condition she asked what is the matter then i told her everything how i lost my love and my money,then she told me not to worry that my lover will come back to me,with the help of Dr Adodo who has been helping a lot of people in San Jose Ca, and also helped her too,then she gave me his contact and i contacted him and told him everything he just laughed and told me that my case is settled,that my love will come back to me,in the next 24hours, then i heard to watch and see, in the 24hours i was inside when somebody came in guess who i could see, it was Phillip i was shocked, he went on his knees he was pleading and begging me to forgive him which i did, and now we are happily married and he paid all the money which i borrowed,thanks to Dr Adodo for helping me you can contact him via (dradodojattotemple@yahoo.com)

By Horsetin O Nero Nero
posted on 07 June at 06:46

I don't just know how to start am just short of word's and happy that I celebrate my Esther with my wife, Due to the help of Dr dodo , This Dr dodo has brought back happiness into my life that I have lacked for year, My name is Maxwell am from the United State of America, Am just so happy today and today has been the happiest day of my life and this happiness has brought me joy and am so happy, Because Dr dodo brought back my lover Tricia into my arms without any delay, After my lover left me for good 2years, i was in deep pain and always thinking because I truly loved Tricia, Until a faithful day listen to the radio due to boredom, Then in which I had a lady shouting in happiness about the great thing Dr dodo has done how Dr dodo brought back her lover back into her arms within 36hours, when I had that goodness I decided in contacting Dr dodo immediately, Because I was desperate in getting in touch with him, So I got in touch with him, Which then I told him my problem and he promised in bringing back Tricia back to my arms within 24hours, And then when I had that Tricia would be back to my arms within 24hours I was so happy and waiting to feel Tricia, And really Tricia came into my arms within 24hours, Begging me for forgiveness, i was so happy when I saw Tricia now my lover is fully back to my arms due to the help of this great man Dr dodo who has bought back happiness into our great country(Usa)Please friend in need of help you don't need to go far all you need to do is for you to kindly contact Dr dodo dodo for help, Because he his trustworthy and straight forward, You can contact him on his private mail, dodoplaceofservation@yahoo.com.

By Verita Lorenzo
posted on 26 January at 21:32

I am basically happy for what has happen in my life through a man that God really sent to bring joy to someones life, i saw a man that post about this Dr.Ogungbe a spell caster last week and ignore seeing the post and another lady again post about him as well so I contact Dr.Ogungbe for help to bring my Ex love that has gone for 3 years back, i thought it can't be possible but my mind said I should give Dr.Ogungbe a Trial because I have meet many fake spell caster over here and nothing happen, i am using this opportunity to tell everybody or any one that read my post to please contact this man because he is different among them and the way he emailed and talk to me I really like it because he always tell what next to make your lover come back to you and it happen to me that I listen to everything he told me to do and I thank God that my lover emailed me 3 night ago and now we are in contact and he is planning to come and meet me in USA this weekend! am so so so happy and thank you so much Dr.Ogungbe. here is the Man details to reach him. (ifaogungbetempleofsolution@gmail.com) his personal email : (dr.ifaogungbe@live.com). +2348131210107

By Ehikioya Ehidiamen
posted on 13 September at 04:10

My Name is James Anderson..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until. I met this special spell caster when I went to Africa to Execute some. business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for. almost 4 years and I tried all I could to have her back because I really love. her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at. the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married. happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me. she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back. from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads. from my house..i ran mad and I tried all I could to have her back but all. did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when I told the spell. caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name. and her picture..i gave him that..At first I was skeptical but I gave it a. try because have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when. he finished with the readings, he got back to me that she’s with a man and. that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help. me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but I never believe all. this…he told me I will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days. later, she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she. will come back to me..I cant believe this, it was like a dream because I never. believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no. solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with. a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy. been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really. changed my life and I will forever thankful to him..he has helped many. friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to. him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever. experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone. who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him. here: obadamtemple@gmail.com