This was written at the request of a sex worker who wanted to explain the business to someone close to her who objected to sex work and believed most sex workers were trafficked. The writer is a well-known person who wishes to remain anonymous.
As part of my job, I have interacted with bankers, lawyers, doctors, government officials and diplomats of the highest professionalism. So it is no exaggeration when I say that sex workers are among the hardest-working professionals I have ever met. It takes great skill to be a successful sex worker; the physical act of sex is only a small part of the job. You have to be a therapist and a mind-reader, anticipating your clients’ moods and needs. You need to be an entrepreneur and a time-management specialist. You need to always be on your game, because word of a bad experience quickly gets around; unlike most other jobs, you can’t keep screwing up or your clients will ultimately stop seeing you. You also need to keep yourself in shape and pace yourself so you don’t burn out. You’re often working by yourself, so you have to ensure you don’t get too isolated. Most women get into sex work for the money, but who doesn’t seek the most money for any job? This is one job where success leads to more success and even higher rates. You don’t wait for a promotion; you promote yourself.
Despite lurid headlines about sex trafficking, there are relatively few examples of that in the United States. Statistics show that virtually all sex workers in the United States are in the business because they want to be sex workers; even Asian massage parlors are filled with workers who want to be there. (Occasionally you may read about a bust, but then the charges are quietly dropped later because prosecutors can’t prove the women were coerced.)
Here are examples of some of the sex workers I have been privileged to know:
- A gifted PhD from an Ivy league University, with well-respected published papers under her name, who decided she could make far more money with her beauty and charm than working in a think tank after getting her doctorate.
- A zoologist who supplements her income with sex work so she can afford a nice apartment.
- A single mother who found that sex work allowed her to finish her college degree and provide a better life for her son.
- A high-profile business executive who does sex work when she’s traveling on business in other cities because she gets a kick out of it.
- A life coach in her late 40s who turned to sex work because a bad investment left her short of the money she needed to build her core business.
Each of these women had their own reason for deciding to engage in sex work, but they all loved doing it. They got to meet many kinds of men, from different walks of life, some of whom become close friends. They are empowered and set their own schedules to fit their lifestyles. And yet this is what some want to call “exploitation”.
