Gracefully Slipping into Silver: To Dye Or Not to Dye?

OK, consider for a minute the projected statistics for senior citizens before you answer this question — because the Baby Boomer generation is now producing 10,000 65 year-olds a day, and will continue to do so over the next 20 years.  That are due to be many more gray heads walking around in the next decades as we live increasingly longer lives.

And here is the question:

Should a middle-aged woman who is comfortable with her graying locks and somewhat ambivalent about dyeing back to brunette do so for any reason?

Judging from this Metafilter thread “Should I color my grey hair or leave it as is” from a while back, I am not alone, either.

Figure in your opinion that said middle-aged woman is (actually, was) on the fence about it and is still affected by others’ opinions just enough that she could decide either way.

Add into your answer how said woman has received polite hints and suggestions, albeit gentle ones, to do so from several females whose opinions she values.

What is it about naturally graying hair on a middle-aged woman that makes people so uncomfortable in our culture?  Just wondering.  There is an unspoken societal pressure that a woman suddenly feels once she passes 40 or so.

I guess a lot of opinion has to do with the style in which it is cut and how one chooses to wear her gray hair that makes the argument for or against dyeing.  Maybe what those close to me suspect is that the rest of me will age with my hair color — like my glasses, my clothes, shoes, how I carry myself.  But come on — it’s only hair, right?  What if future generations change the way the aged are seen — forgoing the glasses and stooped posture until, say, 70, and continuing to do tai chi, biking everyday, and playing Wii with grandkids?  Would the gray hair still be a warning signal of our demise if we were still able to move about like a 20 year-old, and if we were to dress ourselves in the latest fashions, if we were to keep an actual waistline, and if we were to continue to apply a little makeup everyday?

I, for one, have decided for now that I am going to keep my gray.  This is only because it is coming in in a salt-and-pepper fashion, and it is actually more brilliant silver than a washed out-looking gray I was expecting.  (What a nice surprise that is!)  I know my mother has a shock of white hair now at 78, and she said that, though she dyed it regularly until about 65 or so, it would have been totally gray much earlier had she left it alone.

I think about my life.  I am out of romantic relationships forever (trust me on this one), so I have no need to compete with younger women to attract anyone.  I am not in an industry where I am searching for a television or movie role, and so I do not need to look any younger to land one.  All that said, I still feel quite youthful even though I obviously do not reflect that to other women. lol  I thinkwomen fear aging and losing their youthful beauty, and so they sometimes project onto those of us who have no problem with it.  So there IS a positive side to having never been much of a looker in the first place, to have placed that much value in vanity.

The need for my asking your opinion has nothing to do with my opinion, as I would happily continue openly aging with no problem.  Rather, I feel I may need to dye the fading color because I am looking for full-time work outside my home (for a change, after 14 years working my business from home), and I am forced to compete with younger women for the same positions, and youthful hair is part of that all-important irreversible first impression.

I truly hate having to make this decision.  One reason is because I am very low-maintenance, at least aesthetically.  It seems unfair that I should feel obligated to present myself as someone I no longer am, even though there are positive traits to employing a middle-ager, ones that a recruiter or potential supervisor would not notice right away — among them, things that naturally come with gray hair like experience, a wealth of knowledge, and great people skills after professionally handling them for 25-plus years.

I am interested in what other women think.  Mom says do what you are comfortable with, but my adult daughter and still stunning model-looking middle-aged sister-in-law have told me to definitely dye. (Actual words — “Mom, please dye your hair! You look old already.”)   My mind is pretty much set, but what I want is to hear from readers about what do you think when you see a woman in her mid-forties with half-grayed hair?  Does she strike you as lazy, as confident, as low-maintenance, as too engrossed in other matters to consider herself, or as a sad testament to letting herself go?

From women and men who decided either way and why, or those who had strong opinions about it for someone close to them or for themselves one day, any stories?  Just from looking around in society, it seems that unless you still retain some youthful good looks and killer bone structure, going gray is frowned upon, however silently.  Still, I find it striking in a quiet way to see a woman who is aging, fit, and not trying to hide anything with chemicals.

Either way, even if I do continue with my decision to keep the silver locks, I’m thinking it might be a good investment to buy some stock in Clairol or L’oreal  hair dye, as I am sure a lot of Baby Boomers in this exploding senior population, who are beginning to receive AARP mail without laughing it off anymore, will opt to dye their gray away.

We all need a heads-up — we need to make ourselves comfortable with expanding our idea of beauty to include the aged.  We need to start with overhauling our mental image of how we think about senior citizens and, yes, the graying reality of a lot more people like myself, who are just too darned proud of our silver/gray/white/speckled/salt-and-pepper hair to start dyeing it.  Despite what first comes to mind when looking at us, we’re not curmudgeons in training; we are the future…and more of us will be hanging in at the workplace, too.

So, potential employer, male or female — do I get an interview when there is a roomful of applicants who are obviously younger in age, though maybe not in attitude or demeanor?  We shall see.  This postponement decision could cost me.  After all, I don’t want to be perceived as Cruella Deville cast against others as Disney princesses.

And readers — I’m staying with the graying for now…that is unless you can give me some valid argument to buy a box for my locks.  I could use the extra time and money I would spend on dyeing, anyway.  I find myself gracefully slipping into silver, ever so gradually like I’m slipping into something more comfortable.  But guess what — I think I kinda like it. [lip curl]

Did you hear that? I don’t plan to dye anytime soon.