I have this memory from growing up that makes me start giggling uncontrollably whenever it pops into my head. I was in high school, my brother was in middle school and my Mom was making dinner while my brother and I helped got in the way and pretended to do our homework. In the midst of the chaos- school papers, table setting, spaghetti sauce simmering- my Dad came home from work (he typically went straight back to change out of his flight suit and into regular clothes) and my brother was being a Grade A Sass Mouth.
I have no idea what he was sassing about, but he was being a brat, as 13 year olds tend to be from time to time. My Mom was cooking and telling him to cool it, and he was pushing her buttons. Suddenly and without warning she whirled around from the stove, wooden tongs (for stirring/cooking the spaghetti noodles) in hand and yelled “If you don’t stop right now I’m….I’m…..” and looked down, wild eyed at the tongs in her hand. “….I’m going to rip your tonsils out!” she finished with a flourish, brandishing the damp tongs.
We all froze. Dad had just walked back into the kitchen for the tail end of the thread- tonsil ripping, with wooden pasta tongs- and I was filling water glasses. I’m pretty sure that for a minute all you could hear was the boiling water and the glass filling, before I let out a terrible giggle.
Tonsil ripping? Seriously? Where did that come from? Was this a 13th century torture chamber?
Without warning my entire family just lost it. My Mom was gasping for air she was laughing so hard. My brother stopped sassing and laughed. I was doubled over (although probably secretly wishing she’d gone for it, my brother and I had a very love/hate relationship in those days). Dad surveyed the scene for a bit longer before asking Mom if she needed help with dinner and giving my brother The Eye for his earlier indiscretions.
To this day, no one in my family can make pasta with those damn wooden tongs without threatening to perform kitchen counter tonsillectomies.
