It sucked.
I hate crying in front of people. I hate feeling pitied. I hate looking like I don't have it all together.
But the reality is, I needed that cry. I needed it more than I needed to talk through my feelings, more than I needed prayer, more than I needed a kind word. I just needed to bawl my freaking eyes out. And as much as I hate crying, the release and relief that I felt was like none other.
Using the word "overwhelmed" would be a vast understatement.
Apparently, mentoring will do that to you.
Lately, I'm filling others up so much that I'm lacking being filled myself. And while I see mentoring as a blessing, I am beginning to realize that I have hit my limit. I cannot give so much of myself without also receiving from others. And so last night I allowed myself to receive.
I received the comfort and the love that radiated through my friend's arms as she embraced me. I received the love from others as they prayed over me. I received affirmation in the fact that I wasn't alone in my overwhelming state. But most of all I received the peace of God as I let my guard down, showed some vulnerability, and started getting real.
As the night ended and the tears had dried up, a good friend of mine asked if I was OK. My answer was a simple, but resounding "No."
Real. Raw. Blunt.
All things that I tend to avoid, but all things that I'm learning are necessary in leadership and in taking care of oneself.
Right now I'm not entirely OK and I'm OK with that.
