A week ago yesterday, my oldest son was married. The wedding was beautiful, the bride more so. It was an emotional event for me particularly when I was asked to give the opening speech as father of the groom (the father of the bride was not in the picture).
Part of my speech follows:
It's at this point that I'm supposed to give some advice to the both of you, advice that you'll long heed and that will lead to a long and fruitful marriage... I’m feeling no pressure.
I could start by saying this to [my son]... listen to your wife... no, really listen... not just with your ears but with your heart and your mind, listen to everything she says every time she says it.
I could say this to [my new daughter-in-law]... respect [my son] always, particularly around your family and friends, never belittling him, never saying negative things about him in public...never.
I could say things to the both of you about how love is so much more than emotion, about how true love is about giving yourself to the other, placing the other ahead of yourself, about how you each need to be ready to die for the other... literally...
But instead, I'll summarize by saying simply this. And this from my heart to your hearts.
Draw near to God.
Chase faith.
Be diligent and purposeful in seeking Him out.
It was St. Augustine who said our hearts are restless until we find our rest in God.
Persevere in finding that rest, and I do mean persevere because trust me, faith, particularly in this culture, isn’t easy... persevere in those things and I promise you, your marriage will be so strong, your bond so unbreakable, your union so unshakable.
And so I close by asking us all to grab our drinks and to raise them high as we toast the newlyweds.
Here's to this beautiful marital start, here's to your diligent pursuit of God and here's to your forever happiness.
Cheers!
Those words, particularly the bolded ones, came to mind when today, as I was going through my Catholic newsfeed, I found this by Kevin O'Brien:
Many "friendships" are simply mutually selfish arrangements. True friendship is always self-giving, self-sacrificing, always willing to suffer - or at least be inconvenienced - for the sake of the other.
And this, my dear miserable and lonely single Catholic readers, is really what it all comes down to. Don't fret about finding a mate that you're compatible with, for, as G. K. Chesterton said, "I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one." Men and women are basically incompatible to begin with. Don't look for a mate who sweeps you up into the "longings aroused" of sexual desire masquerading as spiritual reality, for sex with the same person for the rest of your life is hardly a religious experience, trust me (my wife would tell you the same thing). And don't worry about finding the perfect match or the perfect catholicmatch.com.
Instead, find a spouse who is willing to die for you. And then you be willing to die for your spouse.
For marriage, like friendship, is based on being there through thick and then, when the chips are down, when the mortgage is overdue, when the kids are screaming, when one of you is sick and dying, when the dreams become nightmares, when you can't stand each other. Mushy feelings and "intimacy" mean absolutely nothing if the friendship is false, if the love is absent, if the cross is not present.This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Eph. 5:32-33)
I pray that my son and his beautiful bride, and all those contemplating marriage, will listen and heed these words of wisdom.
Pray with me for them all will you?
