Spirit moved me to share this correspondence between another writer and I as we spoke and returned our feedback on particular issues of enlightenment and importance.
This person had read then commented on one of my posts titled Know Thy Self: Not What Others Say Or Claim You To Be:
I can relate. I lived two years at school, where everybody assumed that I was dating a friend of mine, just because we hanged out together. He got some embarrassed by it, we ended up losing contact for 2 or 3 years.
We are who we are. Each person that I had met was unusual by itself. I used to make my first impressions based on thing like that, but even back there I was aware, that I might be wrong.
These days I almost don’t do it anymore. I was proven wrong so many times that you can put people into boxes, that I am no trying anymore.
Thank for that inspiration article. We need to remind people from time to time, that we are who we feel and think we are, and not what other people project on us. No matter how hard is to not agree with the society’s opinion.
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 01:15.
LATOYA
Yes, it is very important to not allow anyone to dictate to us who we are as individuals or as to why we do the certain things that we do.
Uniqueness is a blessing to take advantage of and no one should doubt themselves, or have to repress who they truly are and what they truly want to be on account of narrow-minded people who are ignorant.
We deserve the freedom to discover, learn, recognize, and to enjoy the innate beauty of our own existence.
Submitted by LaToya on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 03:09.
AVIVA-AVIVA
I would not be able to say it better.
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 03:11.
LATOYA
Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience. We can all find enlightenment from one another in one way or another.
Submitted by LaToya on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 03:23.
AVIVA-AVIVA
So true. That is why I like reading things from other people and listening to their opinion. A person can learn so much from it.
It is also more interesting, when person is sure of himself and is not afraid to state their mind.
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 03:40.
LATOYA
I totally agree.
Submitted by LaToya on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 06:41.
Then this writer had read then commented on another two posts that I wrote titled Asexuality, and Proud To Be Asexual/The Liberating Truth About My Asexuality
I wish, that I would be so sure of my identity, when I was a teenager. But I really respected science back there, and since animals (including people) are made to reproduce, they would all had sexual drives.
This was a great article, describing the asexuality. There is a need for more exposure. I still meet the people, that just try to start kissing me, assuming that I like that kind of thing. And when I stop them, they assume that I must be lesbian.
Sometimes I do not know if I can laugh or not, when they try to explain to me, that I can’t be asexual, because it is weird/unnatural/…
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 05:52.
LATOYA
Believe me. You can definitely laugh because it is the most natural thing to those who are Asexual.
Now I do not claim to speak for all because I cannot. We are all different individuals with various experiences.
However, as a person my self being Asexual “to be sexual” is something very unnatural to me. It is also a turn off to me how so many indulge in the sexual act the way that they do. This is such a highly sexual society. So it is funny in a way seeing how each side is or maybe viewing the other side in the same exact light.
I do not have a problem with what other people feel or do though. But it is not right for anyone to tell anyone else what is not possible unless they have truly and actually walked in their shoes.
That is how we learn many incredible things that actually exist. There are things that people had never believed in until the circumstance or situation transpired in their life or to someone that they knew, or someone other that they may have come across.
This is a huge world with all different kinds of people and many things go on that we would never think of or even imagine.
Some human females who are Asexual only get a sexual urge once in a while during the time around ovulation similar to certain animals. The body’s way of initiating the possibility of conception if one were to follow the urge. Copulation for reproductive purpose, not for desire or pleasure.
Yet even if some do get that particular urge from the body they would not all want to have intercourse with the opposite sex.
Submitted by LaToya on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 07:18.
AVIVA-AVIVA
I feel for the women getting this urges, as it must be really uncomfortable. I am glad that I made peace with myself. I also have no wish to having anything to do with sex.
I see the proof of how sexual our society is in the movies. I watch other people, how during scenes involving sex they all stop talking and eating. And I am usually the only person looking around.
It is also the reason to introduce the people around me to the concept of asexuality. I sometimes have to be really patient for the people to end up understanding. But is how the world is eventually changed. One person at the time.
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 07:36.
LATOYA
I understand one hundred percent. There comes a certain freedom and purity that comes along with not desiring to have any type of sexual contact. It is even obvious just by observing the lifestyle of many others.
It is also a great strength of character to not want to have anything to do with sex. I have the attitude that this is my body and that no one has the right to touch or to violate it. My body is my own personal territory. I do not want anyone to ever touch me in any intimate manner.
I have never even been attracted to anyone whether it be male or female. I am purely attracted to my own spiritual nature and living a healthy and productive lifestyle.
Submitted by LaToya on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 08:15.
Then I read one of her articles titled How I Realized, That I Am Asexual and I made a comment underneath the other few responses and we corresponded some more.
You are correct that this is something we don’t often hear about. I’ve heard several other people who say their sex drive is so low as to be non-existant but yet some folk will insist on trying to pigeon-hole them into other categories, as if it were possible to be, for example, a heterosexual asexual. (What would that even be? A person who is interested in not being interested in the opposite sex more than they are interested in not being interested about their own gender?!?). Congrats for speaking out!
Submitted by BruceW on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 15:35.
AVIVA-AVIVA
Well, there are people that are heterosexual/homosexual romantic and asexual, so it is not completely incorrect. It simply means that they have a drive for being romantic with somebody, but not having sex with them.
But not every asexual have preferences like that. Some are aromantic as well, having no wish to participate in any romantic behavior at all.
But I was asexual as long as I remember (I just never realized it). I become aromantic only in the last years. It is not the same thing.
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 18:12.
VINAYA GHIMIRE
Hello Aviva,
I discovered your writings couple of hours ago and now I’m so much hooked to your contents.
Masturbation is a common phenomena, there is no denying to it. Until we find a partner we all masturbate. However, some continue to masturbate even they have partners. I have read about asexuality before, but not from the one who is asexual. You really are brave to admit this,lot of people do not admit their sexual orientation. I believe there is nothing wrong to have orientation different to so called normal people.
Submitted by Vinaya Ghimire on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 09:15.
AVIVA-AVIVA
I wish I could say I am brave, but I don’t really think that this article shows my bravery. I got just so used to explaining the concept to people, that I found it natural.
After all, do you realize how many times men think, that I am interested in them sexually, just because I am talking to them? Even if they were the ones starting the conversations.
But there is a way to try and predict that in advance. The more they complement me, even when I ask them to stop, the more possibility for that to happens. It is really interesting, when I declared to them, that I am asexual.
Thank you fro liking my writing.
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 18:13.
LATOYA
I truly do love this post because being Asexual is truly something to be proud of. It is beautiful. We have an entirely different thought process regarding sex that a lot of people do not understand or relate to.
I was told that it is not normal to not have any nature,or that something had to be wrong somewhere by a chosen few. I had just paid that nonsense no attention.
I had been this way all of my life. It is who I am and I was definitely born this way for a reason.
When one is confident and proud within them self and within who they are there is nothing that anyone can do to change that. No one will ever be able to discourage them or to make them doubt.
Asexuality needs to be put more out into the open and accepted.Your article will be inspiring to those in particular.
Submitted by LaToya on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 07:53.
AVIVA-AVIVA
Thank you for you kind words, Latoya. I am proud of it now, but in the past not knowing about it put me into the feeling of insecurity. That is why I try to explain the concept to everybody asking or misunderstanding my stance. I also do not mind declaring myself as such, when asked.
I really hope that you are right about your opinion in my article. As long as it help at least one person accept that part of himself/herself, I am going to declare this article a success.
And you put the bar really high. I read the article about asexuality on your site (the link in your article) and I know, that my article does not reach that standard. But it is another piece in bringing awareness to the public.
Submitted by AvivA-AvivA on Fri, 05/10/2013 – 09:03.
And here is Aviva’s article posted on 05/10/2013 titled “How I Realized, That I Am Asexual”
( I have read other articles of her’s on different subjects. She is a good writer with her own good, interesting, and reasonable viewpoints and I totally agree with her how it is beneficial to gather the opinions of others-whether we agree with them or not-to learn and to sometimes maybe understand the different levels and where certain people are coming from.
Anyway, that is what life is. Knowing, being a part of, and experiencing all of what is out there and that is going on out there within our world. We have to live, discover, analyze, stay alert, and keep on moving ahead):
How I Realized, That I Am Asexual:
Asexual. The word, most of the people I met had never heard of before. Some of them understand it just by hearing it, but some of them do not.
When the people talk about sexuality, the mostly divide people into three groups: heterosexuals, bisexual and homosexuals. I usually do not see the word asexual even mentions. It is true, that by statistics, we represent only 1% of the world, but we are still people, that do not want to be excluded.
I struggled with my identity for a while. When I was 17 years old, I suddenly realized, a lot of people around me watch porn and masturbate. Some of them talked about their sexual life.
I was unable to participate in the discussion, as up to that moment, I didn’t try any of that stuff. I just wasn’t interested.
But I am a person, who wants to try everything for herself. So I tried watching porn, but I found it boring. I started to read stories with erotic scenes in it, but after a while I realized, that I enjoy the plot, if there was any, and I usually skimmed the rest of it, since it was not interesting to me.
I tried masturbating, but I didn’t feel anything. I could get some sort of body reaction, but it seemed pointless. I even tried it with a person, when opportunity presented itself, but it felt hollow and completely pointless.
But still, I was little lost. I didn’t feel into any definition, that I knew. Since biologically, I would have to feel the need to do it, but I didn’t. I felt like my biology was not normal.
Then one day I read the word asexual on the internet. I was so intrigued, that I started to look around to learn more about it.
I finally find out, that I biologically, there was nothing wrong with me. Or there was a lot of people, that had something wrong with them.
I came in term with it in a moment. I finally felt right.
I am proud to be asexual and I am not ashamed to admit it. But sometimes I feel, like people would need to be exposed to that concept just a little more.
After all, we hear about all the other preferences a lot, but this one.
