To Belittling someone and to be condescending are some of the stealth tactics of emotionally abuse. I would like to call this mental warfare. The attacker, stab with a knife but covers over the crime with a passive reaction. Saying things indirectly to make you feel completely undermined by the time they are done.
For example this has been occurring every time I go to my job. They covertly and openly make fun of the way I dress to who I am. One time I was working extra hours to help them clean and a coworker said ”You should just go home…” I said “Why!?” they replied ”oh….I am just kidding.” This indirectly made me feel dumb, like I was doing a bad job and they did not want me to be there helping.
Gossip also emotionally belittles someones self esteem. One time from in the other room I heard my coworkers saying how ugly I dressed all the time and when I tried to dress up I looked silly… Now I get all flustered trying to get dressed for work and end up hurting myself in the process sometimes because I feel completely worthless.
The main root to this anxiety and probably unrealistic reaction to criticism comes from living with my narcissist father. He would love to make himself feel superior and make everyone else feel stupid and incapable. When he helped me with math he would make me feel like I did not know what I was doing. He wouldn’t let me listen to secular music because the sexual innuendos would eat at his dirty conscious. Trying to cover it over by being overly pious.
I am full of raging anger at him and the havoc he has wreaked in my life!!!! He stole a little girls innocence and security. Its is difficult to reach out and to function properly. To trust anyone or anything as being ok. To trust my decision and instincts because they were always wrong. Finger pointing is so much easier but I know the only person I can change in the end is myself.
I can start by being more directly honest with people about how I feel. By walking away from toxic relationships and going out of my comfort to meeting new people. By learning to speak out when I need help. To surround myself with more positive people, and find a new job. By changing the way I talk to myself in my mind. By taking the poison out of life. By not apologizing for being who I am anymore. Making positive change towards peace one day at a time.
This post has been a little sporadic, as has been my brain. Let me know if you have people like this in your life, and how you handle it.
Stay strong<3 You are not alone.
