The NY Times ran a very interesting piece—an essay by Jordana Narin, a sophomore at Columbia who is the winner of the Modern Love essay Contest. Ms. Narin’s piece is all about her “Jeremy,” who is the guy in the millennial generation that women “never really date and never really get over.” For older generations, he is probably the one that got away, that guy they never forgot and the one they daydream about during hard relationship times.
Jeremy is that guy who is more friend than boyfriend, but with benefits. The relationship is one of fun, hooking up and avoiding any topics that might stray into a serious discussion about who two people are to one another and where their “friendship’ is going.
Some women meet their Jeremy when they are barely into adolescence, others in high school, college or early adulthood. Often the relationship starts as casual friends; two people who enjoy one another, laugh at the same things and get each other in ways that others don’t seem to get them. However, the relationship doesn’t get off the ground to something more. Maybe because they met in a summer place far from home, or before each left for college or a career move. Maybe one is kind-of dating someone, but not serious, so the possibility is there.
Given that millennials are known for hit and run relationships, one would think that every young woman (and a few older ones as well) has a Jeremy. Certainly many do. But does this mean that they seek this out, that they really have no interest beyond friendship and sex? Not according to this young author, and if what I hear from so many clients is true, not for millennial women as a whole. It’s just that there seems to be an expectation that more should not be expected, that if two people start off as friends with benefits, no one is supposed to ask for or want anything else.
All of which leaves young women who actually want a committed relationship in a kind of limbo. They need to either have that heart to heart with their “Jeremy,” or move on, leaving him and the relationship fully in order to create space for a guy who wants what they want. Want to hear more about relationship readiness? Click here Want to read this wonderful essay by Ms. Narin? Click here
