I have suffered with depression on and off for the last 15 years now. I have attempted suicide twice. I have been prescribed and taken a variety of antidepressants and have numerous counseling but nothing seems to fix this mess I am in. It is too hard to fight depression at times and just when I feel I am getting someone the mental health team discharge me, so then I am alone again.
It is never long between episodes, it is never long before depression rears its ugly head again.
These last 3 years have left me physically and emotionally drained. I can no longer make sense of the constant bussing noises inside of me head. A children’s seesaw resembles my mood swings.
I am currently taking Sertraline 50mg and I feel I am up to my waist in quicksand sinking fast, how can I explain to anyone how I feel when I don’t understand it myself?
Depression Makes Me A Bad Mum
I feel lost like I am in a huge maze trying to find my way out, every turn I take seems to be a dead end and when I turn to go back to where I started from, the maze has changed.
My moods change so fast these days, almost like someone has just flicked on a switch. I can become very angry and agitated and this scares me. I take it out on those closest to me and I am pushing the people closes to me away, including my children.
I have screamed at my 6 years old daughter, told her I hated her and wished I had never given birth to her. Thankfully my own mother sat my little girl down and explained that I was not well. This destroys me.
I am terrified that depression with ruin my relationship with my children and if it does I will only have myself to blame.
This post is an anonymous guest post submitted to the blog by a frightened mother who like so many is suffering from the effects of depression.
If you can offer any support or words of advice please leave a comment for the mother to read and follow.