Dating Dad Answers "Umm, He Has Kids."

'Umm, he has kids'
by Brian Gallagher

Focusing on two relationships I have had in the last three years, Ihave come to realize that the women were hiding behind my kids in twovery different ways, one as an excuse to get out of the relationshipand the other was to stay in the relationship.  I went into eachrelationship with the hopes of long term partnership and wasdisappointed in one and happy with the ending of the other.
"What is the greatest barrier to having a long term relationship witha guy who has kids?"  'Umm, he has kids.'   If this question comes upin your conversations and this is your answer please do all the singledads a favor and get out now.  You may absolutely adore his kids, go toschool events, go to dinner, spend hours hanging out and truly love whothey are and what they have to say.  But over time it may be too much tobear because the guy you fell for gets mixed up with the kids and it becomesand instant family.  If your first instinct is to get out of the relationship pleaseunderstand that it is okay to do so.  Just don't tell the guy that his focusshould be on his kids.  It puts the guy in the position that his kids can getin the way of his happiness with you.  Don't sew these seeds of resentmentin his mind.  Single dads can be vulnerable too.  They are a rare breed ofresponsibility and will sacrifice themselves for their kids...don't make themresent that choice.
"What is the greatest thing about having a long term relationship witha guy who has kids?"  'Umm, he has kids.'  If this question comes upin your conversations and this is your answer please do all the singledads a favor and hang on tight to that guy. You may absolutely adorehis kids, go to school events, go to dinner, spend hours hanging out and truly love whothey are and what they have to say (Sound familiar?). But maybe you andthe guy end up not clicking for the long term.  You may be in love withthe idea of being together as a family but you realize you justaren't strong enough as a couple to go forward.  If you fall in this category you need totell him that you love his kids and the idea of being a family but you can't stay in therelationship for that reason.  Hold on to that guy and his kids as an extendedfamily.  Speaking as a single dad with kids that is FAR MORE VALUABLE than any otherrelationship I can have with a woman.  A strong and loving woman rocks.
Umm, he has kids...so be honest before we ALL fall in love with you.