If conflict acts as an opportunity and anger as a catalyst, what happens when the catalyst no longer arises? …and the opportunity no longer makes sense?
This past year has been an unusual one; not ONCE have I felt anger towards an individual! Where I used to experience anger or annoyance, I now get curious. I see-into the other’s suffering; it’s whole systemic cause becomes more clear, including my role, and the more I know someone the deeper I see. I might experience disappointment in their behavior, but because I feel compassion for the person (living with their particular pathologies) I don’t hold any expectations. I don’t want them to change at a pace that doesn’t feel right.
I’m not going to say, “When you did this I felt hurt or angry” if I really didn’t.
I’m not going to call a concern a conflict if I feel it isn’t, but….
I am going to describe the entire scope of the dynamic, as I see it.
I am going to ask “Can we seek to understand how we could have loved each other better?”
Doing so will raise my adrenaline; take my courage and gentle words. I could surprise an independent person or a conflict avoid-er, and there’s of course the risk I could trigger them; however, it usually goes well for me. I feel squishy inside…and then… closer, deeper and more interdependent with my friends and family.
I’ve always been one to face interpersonal matters, in the past disharmony has been my catalyst, but now I face them by choice. I’m grateful to have so much inward space between me and an issue; I can act with more love and less entitlement…I just have to make sure I DO ACT!, because with peace it’s so easy to forgive and forget, but that isn’t how I grow in relationship.
