Had a Doc appointment last week and got the awesome news I have Osteoporosis. I CAN’T EVEN PRONOUNCE IT RIGHT! So I was pretty stunned and as Dr. “very young and beautiful and has no idea her life will suck one day too” started to tell me about the different treatments for this, I zoned the hell out. I actually had to google how to spell it and to see the definition. From Merriam-Webster:
Definition of osteoporosis plural
osteoporosis
play \ˌä-stē-ō-pə-ˈrō-ˌsēz\
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: a condition that affects especially older women and is characterized by decrease in bone mass with decreased density and enlargement of bone spaces producing porosity and fragility
Did Merriam even spell it right? But now I am very aware that I am in the stage of life where the grim reaper is one step behind me 24 hours a day now. The Doc was telling me I need to be careful and not do anything stupid that might cause me to fall. (Really? Cuz I love to skateboard and practice Parkour on the reg.) So then the last thing she says is not to ever climb anything like a ladder. Dead silence ensued then we both burst out laughing. We all know I’m not climbing anything. lol
Next topic was medication to treat this funny bone disease. (See what I did there?) And I didn’t like what she had to say. You know all those drug commercials on TV where everyone looks so happy they are on drugs then they start talking about the warnings and side effects, ’causes death in some cases or your heart may stop for up to 5 hours but only happens in a few cases etc.’? Well the doc explained the first med could cause me to lose all my teeth and my face would become deformed. (Scratch that one off). The next one would cause weight gain and blood clots and possible death. (Nope.) And the last one can possible cause blood clots but only 4 out of 9 get those. (Yay.) So we are going to think about it until I go back for the next physical. In the meantime I am supposed to take magnesium (could cause lots of diarrhea). Is there nothing positive to this?
So now that I am literally falling apart, every bone in my body aches. Even if it’s in my head. Oh and I am not supposed to have more than 3 alcoholic drinks a day! Does she even know me? So menopause sucks. All the way to my bones.
There is an upside though. Always look for the silver lining ladies. I don’t have to get on any ladders now. So no cleaning gutters or painting houses!
OH, haven’t read part I of my menopause series? Just click here: Menopause is just another word for Homicidal.
