Flower Planning Diagrams
What I love about writing Cater-Hater and being on social media when I can is that it makes it easy for me to zero in on common mistakes or issues that arise with people new to weddings and parties.
Hanging out with my buddies on Facebook and Twitter also provides insight for my blog posts. So thanks you guys, for all the participation and questions you pose.
Social media sometimes inspires much of my content here.
Obsessed With An “All About Me” Focus?
There’s a person on Twitter who was posting ideas about their upcoming wedding. The wedding is this persons first marriage and is the person’s "life" these days, so what they write about tells of the activities they often have to execute to get closer to all of their wedding day goals.
I don't know for sure, but I think the reason this becomes the topic of main focus for brides-to-be (and other people planning all sorts of parties) is because it’s much easier to write about things that are currently going on in our lives. It seems like when people struggle with something -- while they're in the planning stages of party or wedding planning, they often start with (or reference back to) material that’s closest to them.
Is This Where the Problem Lies?
Many people would scream (not even say), "Yes!". One reason I don’t suggest people go on and on about what they're planning is because it’s often difficult to get people to pay close attention and honestly care (without rolling their eyes!) when you’re only talking about yourself, your life, and your wedding (or party) plans.
This serves as a reminder to even me. In offline, "real life" I can't say I haven't been guilty of this before. Because I'm human, I have. But it wasn't my wedding that I was talking too much about. I remember one time it was a big budget party I produced. Honestly speaking, it wasn't about bragging about it (like I'm sure someone may have thought I was doing). Because if you know me, you know that when I get freaked out about something (likely being concerned on some level about doing it), I talk about it.
On a personal note, what a lot of people don't know about me is that I grew up as the "invisible" child (there, but not "seen) and not being allowed to have much of a voice (being allowed to express how I felt). So unfortunately sometimes (when I feel like coming out of my shell and talking after being holed up, writing for days on end), now that I'm an adult and have the right to my opinion, after years and years of having bottled up feelings and emotions and no one being interested in listening to me, I'm so excited that someone's paying attention and to be able to finally be able to finally "talk", that I forget and go overboard. So this is one of those "do as I say, not as I do" moments.
Remember, online - no one knows who you are but your friends and family. So it's no telling who you could possibly be turning off. And think about this... when was the last time you became grossly engaged in someone else's wedding or party plans? Especially, someone you don't really know? Aside from well-known, branded wedding sites and party sites you follow (the Knot’s and RachaelRay.com’s of the world), you typically begin following what someone else has to say on their website (which is usually written by a person you don’t know) because they or the site has educated you in some way, solved your problems or taught you a new skill. Not because you really care about their party plans, right?
That is why I tend to take the same approach when I write here on Cater-Hater. I've discovered the incredible power of fulfilling a catering or event planning, party planning, wedding planning need and being able to teach people how to create various things. Producing a problem-solving and teaching/tutorial party site builds trust and loyalty instead of breeding contempt because the focus is on the needs of you. the visitor.
I mean, most people searching the Net are looking for answers to questions, solutions to problems and tutorials for how to do something. So I've found that creating this kind of information draws people in much better than me making it a "Carlo-thon" day in and day out.
What "It's All About Me" Success Can Look Like
Now, I can’t publish a post like this without talking about the exceptions.
Rachel Ray
Of course there are many people who own successful websites, or YouTube channels, and some even have popular TV shows by keeping it personal. Let’s tell the truth. Some people are "a natural" and just brilliant at drawing people in.
Look at Rachael Ray, for instance. She has got to be one of the most successful brands ever (next to "Martha" [yes, I mean Martha Stewart], that is). Rachael has 1.9 million people following her on (my favorite) Google+. We should have known, right? Of course she'd have a gazillion subscribers checking out her website, over God knows how many babillion television viewers (okay, so I exaggerate here a little) and has earned millions of dollars. Yes, and that's no shock to you. So you shouldn't need to pause to pick up your bottom lip. It makes sense.
In 2005 Rach inked her TV show deal with Oprah and King World Productions (Whatssup, Michael!). So yeah, she's a "food force ala course". And I'll put it to you this way... I ain't mad at her.
Go Rachael. Do your thing, girl.
Rachael Ray has an uncanny ability to draw people in through the presentation, entertainment, and creativity of her show. Love her or hate her, she knows how to capture an audience. She's still on the air, still gets goo-gobs of endorsements, and has a large fan base.
But think about people who have become successful by chronicling their personal lives or creating random videos on YouTube. Naturally, when some people see success like that can be achieved like that, it’s natural that some people will want to emulate them (either with a blog or YouTube channel).
But... For The Rest of Us
Natch, some people are the exception more than the rule. If you don’t have the ability to draw people in through writing, comedy, storytelling, video effects, or whatever, then it can be a real uphill battle trying to get people to pay attention to you and your plans; whatever kind of plans they may be. It can be tough to get your own doggone family to listen, let alone think about engaging a small Army of people to cate about ahwt you write or talk about, like your wedding or other personal things in your life.
The "exceptions to the rule" make it seem so easy and effortless, that we often forget how much creativity and talent goes into getting people to listen and/or watch.
When to Let It All Hang Out and Get Personal
Now of course, once you get a few people on your side, paying attention to what you have to say about your wedding plans -- you like talking about them, so you'll want them to stick around. So remember this: it’s a lot easier to get people interested in more personal or random topics that you can talk about because you now have an audience that are likely to be more interested in you as a person.
The way most people will treat your obsession is; no one will care about it until they figure out how hearing about it can help them. That might sound kind of callous, but it's true. The real deal is that most people don’t find us as interesting as we think we are. Yes Lordy, I said it. And notice I didn't say "you". I said "we". Because that goes for all of us.
So what’s the right approach to healthy wedding planning or party planning versus having an obsession?
What will probably go over better and become more popular with people would be to report what's going on, keeping the you, me and I factor out of it. And help up and comers out there by adding tutorials, great wedding (and party) planning professional interviews. You'll have more success when you branch out, sharing more about what you've learned than what you want, you like, you expect, and so on. Get things aligned to go more down that road and throw in some of how you're chronicling completely random events you're having with your plans.
Sharing with people, can help make your audience want to connect with you better. I bet when you get people more into the "sharing" aspects of what you're finding out, they'll be more inclined to watch (or listen to) the random, personal stuff about your wedding planning expedition that you have to say. They'll become more interested in you, as a person. Of course, there will always be a few haters. But look at it this way, people who have time to "hate" don't have enough going on in their own lives. Remember I said that.
My Personal Disclaimer... For the Record, Darling
I’m not perfect, as you well know. Because I admitted that my crazy-arse gets too excited at times and talks too much about what I love, and what I'm passionate about. But I'm sticking my neck out and weighing in on the subject of "wedding and party planning obsession" anyway.
I'm not saying you should completely avoid talking about your personal feelings. What I'm saying is -- we're not Rachael Ray. And on the real side, we know that. But sometimes, we forget.
You remember when Rachael got married, don't you? People wanted to know every detail; the where's, the what's, and of course the how much's. For the average person, it’s usually better to start with coming from a "Here's what I found out and here's how it can help you with your next party or with your upcoming wedding plans". That way, you're playing the role of the "educator" and you're focusing on the needs of others, rather than going on and on about your personal life, which most people can find hard to take — especially if your goal is to get them involved.
Once you've conquered this goal, it becomes easier to become more successful building the interest of others. Then, you come off as someone more credible that they should listen to if you want to interject your advice into their party planning or wedding planning plans. I'd give you more of a license to "go personal" because now you've shared your planning ventures in a healthy way, so I'll be more receptive to paying attention to what you have to say.
The “all-about-me” is no way to go, unless you're do it on purpose -- like, to get rid of someone. Don't be afraid to share some of your personal information with people — in fact, I encourage it!
If you've been reading Cater-Hater for a while, you know that for a long time (and I mean a long time!), I just taught, never saying a word about myself on a personal level. Readers didn't know that I wasn't Italian, wasn't a male, and wasn't Caucasian. I wasn't keeping a secret of any kind, nor was there anything else behind why I kept my mouth shut.
The key for me was learning how to balance my personal life with sharing helpful information and keeping your needs in mind instead of focusing myself down your throats all the time (like I've seen other "online personalities" do).
But here's what I think is a fair litmus test... ask yourself this question: How can people benefit from this? Because when you keep that in mind, it will help you be a better friend, sister, sister-in-law, daughter, future daughter-in-law, benefit-rich — which is a better way to draw people in when they have no "skin in the game", so to speak.
So what do you think? Have you caught hell for going on too much about your wedding plans? Have you tried to make things more personal while planning your special affair?
Or, maybe you're the exception to the rule and different from most of us, and you're more like Rachael; with everyone waiting with baited breath to know "what's next".
Share your experiences and life lessons. Scroll down below!
*****
By and large, I do this... I write to help to create to opportunities for all of you to pursue your passion to have parties without regard to economic constraints.
I think if we keep talking about the cost of parties (I blog, you write comments), together, maybe we can break down some of the party industry price barriers and shame some of the people who've taken your money and delivered a poor quality product right into growing a conscious and treating you right (nice thought, isn't it?).
Opportunities to be inspired about parties are everywhere. Yet, people looking out for your wallet are few and far between. My goal is to inspire you, causing you to question the way things are that have been the status quo for too long. When we stand together and speak up, we can be a powerful force.
Let's keep the conversation of change going. Because in the sea of everyone talking, one voice is a whisper... several voices are a scream.
Leave a comment and share your thoughts, ideas and suggestions below. Remember to be as specific as possible because what you have to say helps us all.
I really love you guys. There, I said it.
Always... be encouraged and be encouraging to others too,
“Skepticism doesn't help you hear.” - Seth Godin
Image source: VancityAllie, Wikipedia
