A Retiree’s Last Trip To The Supermarket

Yesterday I was at my local Kroger buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out
line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was
now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant
and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Kroger won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask
retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy
things to say.

~Steve~   H/T   Kaiser