I’m not sure how much President Trump reads. But I do know one thing is certain—the man loves to tweet. And he loves to tweet, as Jimmy Kimmel put it at the Oscars, while having his “morning bowel movement at 5 a.m.”
The original idea here was to imagine Trump tweeting about famous novels. But as I was writing this, I realized BuzzFeed did a similar post last year because of course they did.
In that post, they made a good point. Trump’s tweets follow a similar formula: two declarative statements followed by a short, derisive blast at the end.
So instead of copying them exactly, I’d thought I’d spin it a little. Here’s how Donald Trump would tweet about some famous authors:
- Scott Fitzgerald is failed author with very small books! Gatsby less than 300 pages. Sad!
- Harper Lee wrote a book with a character named Dill. That’s a pickle not a person. Loser!
- Lolita is a great book! Russian author named Vladimir writes about young girls. Double win!
- George Orwell has a loser mustache! But he has a great take on how to run government. Love it!
- Orwell thinks animals can talk. Dummy. But the big pig makes sense.
- Incompetent writer William Harding tells story of dopey kids trapped on an island. Just like loser John McCain as a POW. So dumb!
- Ulysses is overrated book! James Joyce’s last name is a girl’s name. Sissy!
- Failing website Amazon says my book Great Again is ranked 1,963 in books. FAKE NEWS! It’s NUMBER ONE.
- Margaret Mitchell writes like a woman. Rhett should’ve grabbed Scarlett by the you know what! Man up!
It’s all in fun, people.
Let’s just be thankful that Trump isn’t a big reader, or at least he doesn’t care to tweet about novels. Taking on the classics would be a terrible move. Sad!
Image: Michael Vadon/Wikimedia Commons
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