Pathetics Swept In Beantown

By Gary

Thank goodness the All-Star break is finally here...meaning the John Fisher Deep Dive Into Hell is halfway over. The abomination known as the Las Vegas A's were swept by the Red Sox over the weekend and I watched with a sense of schadenfreude, taking a sort of sick pleasure in watching bonehead plays (of which there were many) and chuckling out loud as one reliever after another poured gasoline on dynamite and skulked off the field looking like someone had shot their dog. These games were like a train wreck in slow motion; while it was horrifying to watch, you couldn't look away. You also would have thought that this Boston team was comparable to the 1927 Yankees if you squinted really hard and were drunk enough. Is that Babe Ruth or Christian Arroyo?

I was foiled, once again, by the unpredictable nature of matter. This was thanks to alcohol and a team full of refugee bush leaguers and bottom-of-the-barrel FA signings that go up and down and back and forth to that homeless-infested hellhole in the middle of the desert. (founded by Bugsy Siegel who took a bullet to the head for his efforts) It's almost like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. This pathetic monstrosity is hampered by its lack of talent, as evidenced by the signing of bottom-of-the-barrel free agents they trot out every day. Their roster was so underwhelming that even when the team managed to win 25 games, respected analyst Peter Gammons remarked that they may have "overachieved" given their circumstances.

Lunkhead manager Mark Kotsay did himself no favors by inauspiciously batting Seth Brown in the 3-hole against a lefty, (he hit .033 against them this year) in the Sunday game, and predictably and like clockwork he proceeded to fly out with the bases loaded. Billy Martin, he ain't. Kotsay also thought it was clever to have a guy, Tyler Wade, bunt after popping up on his first sacrifice attempt. He then proceeded to, you guessed it, pop up again. My thought is this: if you don't have faith in a guy to the point where he's bunting TWICE in a game, maybe he's not the kind of guy you want around. Tyler Wade's back-to-back sacrifice attempts were a clear demonstration of Kotsay's lack of faith, making his presence on the team questionable. Just a thought.

P.S. I'm not even planning to discuss the perfect game against the hated Yankees which was emblematic of everything wrong in the world.

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Dosteovesky was quoted as saying, "The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month."

Can I make it once a day!? I don't know how ultimately clever I am, but it probably wasn't a wise idea to drink a bunch of coffee around midnight as I was up and wide-eyed at 5 o'clock watching the Yokohama BayStars vs the Yomiyuri (Tokyo) Giants. By the time my favorite player, Shugo Maki, hit a game-winning homer in the 12th inning, this barely articulate dead-eyed dipshit was ready to hit the pillow. It's like the old saying goes: "What goes up must come down," and I was a testament to that as I suddenly went from a caffeine-fueled ball of energy to a sleep-deprived zombie. Goodnight everyone.