The Peoria Chiefs Give an Imaginary Middle Finger to Lebron James.

Hi team. Sorry for the late post, but I just got back from court. In fact, I spent most of the morning furiously scribbling a post on the back of a client's evidence, as I waited for my case to be called. So one day, when I look through this poor, miniature Hispanic man's file, I will curiously wonder why there is a rant about MLB realignment amongst his certified dispositions of arrest. That piece, which I had planned to post this afternoon, is not finished yet and I don't want to just throw it up here; look forward to an annihilation of realignment tomorrow morning.
Until then, this sort of made my day. The Peoria Chiefs, a minor-league affiliate of the Chicago Cubs, are having a LeBron James NBA Championship Replica Giveaway promotion tomorrow night. “Replica rings” will be handed out as fans enter the stadium. Like Lebron’s “championship,” the “replica rings” do not actually exist. So I consider this one of the funniest, albeit cheapest, promotional nights in baseball history. The Chiefs also plan to honor the Chicago Bulls – who they deem to be a “true champion” – with video highlight reels and memorable songs from the Bulls’ six-title dynasty. Throughout the game, one lucky fan will win a replica of Lebron’s imaginary NBA Finals MVP award, while classes on the Heimlich maneuver will be taught to prevent “choking in a big situation.” I love baseball, wittiness, and criticizing Lebron; I sort of want to make a trip to Illinois just to be part of this.
Even better, the Chiefs are apparently researching whether they can skip the fourth inning “to poke fun at James, who scored just 18 points in the fourth quarter in six NBA Finals games.” The Chiefs’ President, Rocky Vonachen, quipped, “We aren’t sure if the league will allow it, but if Lebron doesn’t need to show up for the fourth, maybe we don’t either.” To mock The Whore of Akron’s post-game comments, Eric Obalil, Vice President of Ticket Sales, added, “Really this is just us getting back to the real world and waking up today and trying to solve our own personal problems.” Who are these people who run the Peoria Chiefs?! Because they are awesome.
Next, I hope they have DeShawn Stevenson Sobriety Night and hand out full cups of beer.