Just when Red Sox Nation had had enough of hearing about the Red Sox fried-chicken-and-beer fueled collapse last September, Call of the Green Monster has cracked the case of what exactly happened. The Evil Empire, known also as the New York Yankees, was evidently flashing subliminal messages on their scoreboard while the Red Sox were batting during an early September game. The rest is history.
"Yeah, I came up with the entire scheme," said Hal Steinbrenner, while his brother, Hank, cackled jubilantly. "I'm told Beckett and company walked out of the stadium that day looking for the nearest chicken joint they could find." Added Hank, "And when they got there, we had free pitchers of beer sent over to them! Whatta plan!"
Tormented by images of delicious fried chicken that consumed their every thought, Red Sox players soon lost the will to win. "I'd wake up in a cold sweat," said Jon Lester, "tossing and turning, the sheets soaking wet. And all I could think of was getting more chicken and washing it down with beer."
The Steinbrenners, meanwhile, already have plans in place for this year's Red Sox downfall. "We encouraged them to hire Bobby Valentine," Hank Steinbrenner said. "And they fell for it!"