"Happy Saturday!"
When I was growing up I had the "isms" and I never knew it. When I was growing up I would isolate when my parents would fight. When I was growing up I would only help or do good in order to get what I wanted or to manipulate a situation in order to look good. When I was growing up I never liked to admit to anything. When I was growing up I had a hard time accepting things and grew angry when things did not go my way or what I wanted or needed. When I was growing up I could care less if my sisters were fighting as long as I was not involved or blamed. When I was growing up I struggled in school and my self esteem was broken. When I was growing up I would experience bouts of anxiety and depression. When I was growing up I could be selfish, self centered and controlling. When I was growing up I was thinned skinned and easy to ignite! When I was growing up I had a hard time feeling my feelings, reacting to my feelings, knowing who I was and how to relate emotionally to others and myself. When I was growing up I would go against the grain, become mouthy and speak the truth regardless of who it was going to hurt. Furthermore, describing myself sounds like a lot of kids today,...which is scary! When I was growing up I had the "isms."
I became an alcoholic when I was a teen. I did not know it at the time and others would have just said, "Oh!, your young and you are just experimenting!" When I was teen and if someone would have said I was an alcoholic, I would have thought they were crazy. I just knew when I drank that first drink I wanted more until I could not remember me, myself and I. I firmly believe that alcoholism is a disease and that the gene is carried down in the family. On the other hand, the ironic thing to this whole mix is that neither one of my parents drank. Although, my mom smoked 4 packs of cigarettes and drank 7 or 8 pots of coffee in a day and my father's addiction was food and overspending,...they never drank. Even though my mom and dad did not engage in alcohol they sure had other obvious addictions. I am not here to take my parents inventory only my own but the fact that they had addictions and those addictions affected me mentally, spiritually and physically makes me wonder if that was the cause of my "isms" or was I born with the "isms". Could it be possible they grew up with the "isms" or were they just affected by their parents character defects and addiction behaviors as I was and just turned to different substances to become addicted too? No!,...I feel I was born with the "isms" because both my sisters never engaged in drinking or drugs as I did. Yes, my sisters drank but they could stop at one when I could never imagine that. Now, my sisters may have other addictions with other things like my parents did but I was the one that used alcohol and drugs to cope,...almost to the point of death! I do understand that everyone is somehow, some way addicted or obsessed over something in their life but when it comes to drugs and alcohol those two can be devastating to a family and one self. I am not saying that other addictions, as of smoking and food can not kill you or affect one self or their families as well,...because they can. I am just talking from my experience and how the gene from my grandparents was instilled in me. Still, the point of the matter is becoming aware of our children and how I can see the difference between my son and daughter. I see my daughter with the "isms" where my son, not! It is hard to explain and I am not sure I am doing a good job of it now, but what I understand about myself and how I acted, how I felt and how I expressed myself gives me such a great understanding of children and especially my own when it comes to the "isms!"
So, you ask what is the "isms?" To me, the "isms" in a child is the character defects of a grown adult's behavior who suffers from an addiction and that is not addressed or dealt with. The only difference is that the child is innocent, unaware of their behavior and not taught or guided in another way to prevent the "isms" from becoming Alcoholism or any other addiction. For instance, a child may be hard to handle, defiant and just lost in many ways of their life. Could it be prevented? Is the gene so powerful that it does not matter what a child is taught early in life and that they still will have a problem when they grow older? Can I make a difference in a child's life? I am not sure of any of this but I am sure of how I share things with my kids and hope that by writing this it could strike a chord with someone who never knew of this, was unaware of their own behavior, bring clarity and understanding in their own life or just feels the same as I. I need to share what I have experienced and have faith that my words someday will touch someone,...who knows even help them as well!
How do I deal with it? How do I respond to it? How do I address it, call it, and teach it? I simply use the 12 step program in my children's life. I use the 12 step program in a way they will understand, grow, learn and become healthy within themselves mentally, spiritually and physically. I teach, I talk, I call it what it is, I do not hide my alcoholism, emotions, feelings, love of me, gratitude of my recovery, blog, meetings, sponsor, friends of the program and mostly my true life with my kids. I explain the "isms" with my kids, other adults and parents and hope to give the kids today with the "isms" a chance to see and cope with life differently! I am not sure it will or could change things today,...but at least I try to make a difference in areas that I see misunderstanding, negativity, judgment and criticism with a child who shows the..."isms!"
Do you know of a child or perhaps have a child that shows the "ism" character traits? Did you ever hear of this before? I hope my blog was helpful! Today I will run with those children I have seen, experienced and shared my experience, strength and hope with. I was a child of the "isms."
Sobriety Fitness by Cathy Shuba is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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