Fear is usually the biggest reason why we either do things, or we don’t. Sometimes, we do things out of fear but more often than not, we don’t do something out of fear. As Anthony Robbins says, everything we do is out of the pursuit of pleasure or avoidance of pain and I think that fear is one of the biggest causes of pain that we can experience. Fear, on a day-to-day basis, is largely caused by experiencing what we don’t know; it’s all about the unknown. If we haven’t experienced it or it’s not something that we normally do, it can create a friction in our minds that causes us to become wary of the feelings – or lack of them – that the task at question generates.
The only way to move forward is to do so regardless of these feelings of fear. It’s hard, but what’s harder is not doing something because you’re afraid. Fear is not easy to admit to. Experiencing it doesn’t mean you’re not brave, or strong, or driven. It just means that you’re human. Everyone feels it – from the person next door, to the people you look up to as leaders and experts. It’s just that the people who are more advanced are adept at feeling their fears and moving forward regardless of it.
I’m going to go back to the point that it’s actually harder to not do something because of fear. The reason why, is because if we prevent ourselves from moving forward because of fear, it means that we’re preventing ourselves from moving forward. Full stop. When you create inaction in your life, it means that you’re allowing life to come to you, or in other words, serve you up whatever life, and others, want for you. This is problematic because usually it’s not going to be what you want. You are then victimising yourself in the way that you could claim, “I can’t believe this happened to me…” or “This is what always happens…”
No. It’s not always what happens. It’s just what happens when you decide to do nothing but create indecision. When you decide what you want, and you act upon it, of course, you’re still not in control. The world will still serve you up experiences and issues that you don’t want. However, at least you’ll be moving forward in the direction that you desire – however crooked it may be.
Steps to overcoming fear to move forward
I can’t claim to have overcome my fear – and, I would argue, no one has. It’s a human thing to feel. It means we’re real, feeling beings. However, there’s ways to control it and these are some of the ways that I’m still grappling with in my own life.
Identify what you want, and commit to it
If you identify what you want, and make a commitment, a real commitment, that means that you are certain that you will achieve it – no matter what. The old adage, “When there’s a will, there’s a way” is so true. If you commit that there’s no alternative but to get this done, you – or the universe – will find a way. Just keep searching, keep trying, until you find it. The only thing that will stop you, is quitting.
Action
Action is the antidote to fear – I think it was Darren Rowse of ProBlogger who said that to me for the first time, and I wholeheartedly believe it. Not doing anything, just thinking about things, creates a cesspit for the mind to wander in, thinking about all of the worrying things that may or may not happen, and allowing the incessantly thinking mind to worry about every single thing that could come up. Action is the way to not exactly stop this, but to at least move forward within these feelings and take yourself to the next level.
Practice self-love
Along the way, there’s going to be times when you screw up. This is true of every pursuit. Whether it’s work, or a personal endeavour, there is always going to be a setback or two along the way. If you condemn yourself, you often relegate yourself to failure because you need to have your own support along the way. As much as others can cheer you along, it’s you who is the master of your own ship and if you’re highly self-critical, it’s going to be far too easy to slip back into whatever old ways you came from.
Create a routine of new habits
Habits are the key to realising your dreams. Habits are the things that form us, and make our lives, again and again. It’s not like we arrive at a destination, having done something just once. Everyone who has ever achieved any form of mastery has done so through repeating the same thing, again and again and again until they achieved what they wanted. This usually takes years. It’s not to deter you – but just to reinforce the fact that it takes a whole lot of self-discipline, but let me tell you: you have this. There’s no key to discipline. It’s just that the more you repeat something, and get better at it, the more you actually want to do so. As long as it’s your long-term goal and it’s truly what you want to go for, if you create a routine and a set of habits to get there, you will. Excellence is repetition. Not skill, not ambition, not even intelligence. It’s repetition. You have what it takes – and it’s the most ultimately rewarding thing you will ever do.
So, what are you waiting for? Go for your dreams. Tell us about them in the comments below. Bec x