In honor of the Seattle Mariners, who won their ALDS battle against the Tigers in exhausting-but-exhilarating fashion last night, here is a poem from 2001 that is a parody of the original “Tinker to Evers to Chance” rhyme. In place of the original Cubs trio from Franklin Pierce Adams’s “Baseball’s Sad Lexicon” are the infielders from the 2001 Mariners team: Carlos Guillen, Bret Boone, and John Olerud.
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Under lights in the dark at the edge of the Sound
With a crack of the bat the ball flashes to ground
And leaps to the left through the glorious green
Of the SAFECO Field grass to a fielding machine
Comes a grab that is sure and a toss that is shrewd
Guillen to Boone to Olerud
The big hits distributed, heroes galore
Edgar and Ichiro, Mark McLemore
With Wilson or Lampkin ready to score
And Sprague in the circle, poised for one more
But second to none in their plate fortitude
Guillen and Boone and Olerud
A shot to the gap but a double it’s not
For Cameron’s a-sweeping, he’ll run it down hot
A towering pop-up a mile in the air
To Martin or Gipson or Stan Javier
Or a grounder to Bell, the outcome’s the same
The table is set for an end to the frame
In the stands and the mezzanine, bleachers and box
As one the fans rise, the stadium rocks
From Freddy to start or Sasaki to end
It’s the pitch upon which we’ve all come to depend
A fastball inside, Fang at low latitude
Guillen to Boone to Olerud