Even while on trial for perjury, former Hall of Fame candidate Roger Clemens took the time yesterday to announce that his new children's book will be published tomorrow. "Timmy Deedle and the Big Bad Needle" tells the story of an adorable six year old Little League pitcher who appears to be washed up and in the twilight of his career. When little Timmy devotes himself to conditioning his career is rejuvenated and he reaches greater heights than ever, but then mean rumors begin to circulate that he is abusing steroids.
In the climatic scene, Timmy, who has put on thirty pounds of muscle by doing pushups, confronts a giant needle and tells it to go away and stop tempting all the good baseball players who want to do things the right way. "It done tells kids that they don't need to use them steroids n'stuff, just a few protein shakes and doin' them pushups every day," said a nearly incoherent Clemens. "Little Timmy is a lot like me, in that people done said some really mean stuff to me."
The villain in the story is little Timmy's teammate, Sandy, who initially tells everyone that Timmy told him he was using steroids. But in a climatic scene, Sandy acknowledges that he perhaps misremembered the conversation.
"I don't think 'misremembered' is a word, but you now how dumb little kids are," Clemens explained.