Each morning, I wake up, groggy, half asleep, and perhaps wishing I could simply lay my head back on the pillow. I'm by no means a morning person and anyone who has convened an early morning meeting with me should recognize the gesture of kindness or respect it represents. One thing, more than most others, get's me out of bed. Coffee. Over the years, I've come to appreciate the beautiful nuanced smells and flavored of a well-roasted bean, ground to the proper consistency, and steeped in water at just the right temperature. The flavor, the aroma, and the mouth feel have an effect on me that no other substance can match. I've surrounded myself with the tools of the craft, splurged on better and better implements of creation as opportunity has allowed, read countless books, and watched hours of video, all in the pursuit of the perfect cup. That first sip in the morning is a signifier that things will be ok, no matter what might be happening. The warmth is a comfort, even on the steamiest of days.
As much as the varied flavors that can be extracted from coffee beans make my heart dance in anticipation, coffee continues to be greater than the sum of it's "parts". The act of creating a cup, when done thoughtfully and with the proper level of patience, can be elevated to an art form. It is the ritual involved in that creation, and the use of the sacred items necessary for the realization of that flavorful cup, that truly elevate the experience for me. There is something comforting, familiar, and still a bit challenging in setting out to measure, grind, steep, wibble, pour, and sip. That process, however seemingly simple it might be, is reassurance in a world lacking in certainties.
We have long understood the power of rituals to help us make sense of a senseless world, cope with trauma, process grief, and reflect on our place in the universe. There is a reason religion is so steeped in ritual and changes to those rituals are often met with intense pushback. More broadly, rituals are a way for our minds and bodies to manage extreme emotions. They bring us closer to others, reinforce commitments to others, and provide us with a sense of control that most likely doesn't exist in other areas of our lives.
Behavioral researchers have long been fascinated with the power of rituals and the role they play in peoples' lives. They've looked at ritual within major religions and cultural spaces as well as the small rituals we perform every day. These actions give us comfort and connect us to others in important ways. Think about Thanksgiving dinner. No two families celebrate it the same way, and we often take a great deal of joy in sharing the quirky, meaningful, and seemingly absurd rituals we observe during the holiday, often in ways that have been done for generations.
These rituals, outside of the significant acts that are more widely recognized, often go unnoticed. It would be easy for me to not think of my coffee-making process as a ritual, and yet, upon reflection, I easily recognize the significance it has in my life. We can benefit greatly from more intentionally recognizing our rituals and understanding what it is about them that may bring us comfort, joy, peace, or relief. Once you've done that, hold on to that ritual with everything you've got. Protect it, nurture it, and give it the time it needs to breath, enter into your existence each day, and illuminate the positive emotions that were hiding behind a veil of overly stimulated daily activity. Those rituals can help us sort out struggles we are having, think through problems we're encountered, and center us as we begin our busy days.
The morning after my father passed, I made coffee. The morning after my mother passed, I made coffee. I will continue to make coffee each and every day, and with the ritual of commitment it signifies, honor them through this devotional act. I made coffee when they were alive as well, of course, but it's not even so much about the coffee as much as it is about the meditative moment that centers my day. It is a time for reflection, a time for remembrance, and a time to be grateful. We can all spare those few minutes for ourselves each and every day, before we give ourselves over to the demands on our time, energy, and emotion that flood us.
What rituals do you hold sacred? How are you protecting them?