Online dating, the easiest and most efficient way to meet singles in your area. With various free online dating app in Asia, dating in Asia should not be a problem anymore right? Wrong. Problems from lack of chivalry to the basic traditions are different in different countries and cultures. This not only makes dating a subject relevant to be taught in school, but it made dating seemed like a crisis.
Indonesians vs Singaporeans guys
Thus, this blog collaboration post is here to lighten your burden in dating adversity. Or at least cure your curiosity on what dating is like in Singapore and Indonesia. Which is better you asked, well you have to read on to find out!
In this collaboration, I invited Marya, The BeauTraveler* to touch on Indonesia dating while I touch on Singapore dating.
*Psst. she wrote about her First and Last date in Vietnam on IreviewUread previously!Is the online dating culture considered acceptable in Indonesia?
When it comes to online dating, while almost everyone uses it, no one is brave enough to admit that they're on Tinder or any online dating site. Even if there's some people who are open to declare that they're on online dating sites, it's quite rare to find people like that. Hmm.
Same as one night stands, while I've met so many guys who are into that, they're not really open to the fact that they actually practice one night stand. More often than not, guys here will look into one night stands hoping that they could have a nice, religious type of girl to be their wife in the end.
I don't generally speak about all men in Indonesia, but most Indonesian guys I've met through online dating sites were like that.
Are people accepting of inter-religion and intercultural relationships?
This actually depends on the family, but when it comes to religion, people are mostly conservative. Supposedly it has something to do with the law applied in Indonesia as well. For example, some people will think twice about dating someone of other religion, because around here people date people because they seek for the future possibility of marriage.
The problem is, our marriage law states that the marriage is only legal when it's done according to each respective religion. So, it's rare to find Muslim girls dating non-Muslim because according to Islam, Muslim women must not marry any non-Muslim. As for men, Muslim men can marry any non-Muslim as long as their religion allows inter-religion marriage.
As far as I know, Catholics accept inter-religion marriage so the marriage between a Muslim man and non-Muslim woman can be done in some places. But then again, even that can only be done by non-conservative Muslims.
For those who are open with the possibility of inter-religion marriage, they usually do civil marriage abroad. So far, I think Singapore, Hongkong, and Australia are the countries Indonesian people usually go to for an inter-religion marriage like that.
What are Indonesian guys dating fashion sense like?
It's hard to generalize fashion when it comes to Indonesian men because it can vary. Again, depends on where they come from and their surroundings. For example, the way Indonesian men from Java dress could be a bit different to those from Papua.
And of course, their upbringing also plays a big role when it comes to fashion.
Will Indonesian guys pay for the date?
Not sure if that has something to do with them being a gentleman, but I suppose the fact that they always pay for the date is only the result we got from living in a patriarchy society.
I mean, all Indonesian men that I went out with, they always insisted to pay for (at least) the first date. Of course, at some point where we got comfortable with each other, some are okay with the idea of splitting the bills. E.g. he pays for the movie ticket, I pay for the snack etc.
Is Public Display of Affection (PDA) acceptable in Indonesia?
Depends on what kind of PDA, if it's just something like holding hands or hugging each other in public, then yes... It is quite common. But when it comes to kissing and all that, no, especially lately when so many persecution cases came up in public. Some people think they have an authority to tell what is halal and what is not. I suppose people just want to play it safe.
How assertive are Indonesian guys?
Again, it's hard to give a validation when it comes to this since their upbringing could affect so much on how assertive they could be when it comes to a relationship.
I suppose it's more like stereotypical that men from some ethnics in Indonesia are less assertive than the others. Like it or hate it, being a Sundanese girl who most Indonesian people couldn't tell that I am with my attitude and all that, I never really got a chance to find a Sundanese man that I could connect with.
As much as I hate the stereotype, but the stereotype about the Sundanese men's inability to be assertive is something that I don't find wrong. At least so far.
What are the guys take when it comes to maintaining a traditional lifestyle? Eg. Woman working, Filial Peity and Marriage
Despite being modern, I suppose there are still some traditional values that Indonesian people in general still hold on to. There are still some puritan ideas about how it is okay to feel sorry for a single woman in her 30s, despite the fact that she's actually happy with her life... Don't start with bugging them off with the question about their marriage plan, because it's somewhat a norm around here!
And I gotta say that being a single woman in a mature age can be difficult in Indonesia as well. I'm not exactly talking about myself, because I suppose being in my late 29s, it's still relatively easy to find someone to at least have a date or two for the sake of trying.
I'm talking about some women I know who are in their mid or late 30s. The problem they've been facing in terms of dating field is the fact that despite the connection they could build with men, sometimes age plays a big role. Like them being in their late 30s could be such a turn off for the men.
As for filial peity, it's actually my first time to hear such term * lol*, but yesss... Most parents think that way, they see their children as their investment to take care of them when they grow old. There's a term that probably only Indonesian people could understand, "banyak anak, banyak rejeki". It literally means, the more children you have, the more blessings you get.
Yes, this term refers to how when you grow old, if you have a lot of children, you have less worry about who will take care of you.
Are gender roles important in Indonesia?
I suppose people get smarter nowadays, but at some point, I guess at some point, being a woman in particular, people will expect "getting married and taking of the family" as your main purpose in life.
No kidding, in the society you can have your own Phd or travel the world on your own, but people wouldn't see it as the achievement if you're a single woman in your 40s.
Do guys believe in exclusivity?
I gotta say, I'm a firm believer of 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. I suppose there's always a cheater somewhere, no matter what nationality they've got.
But you see, especially from hardcore Muslim society, for some reason I don't know, there's somewhat an encouragement to practice polygamy. I know it's a personal choice, but I suppose cheating tendencies for Indonesian men, especially those from the category, is even bigger with the possibility of marrying more than a woman.
About the author - Marya The BeauTraveler
A sassy traveler who finds it difficult to travel light, but easy to find the cheapest way to enjoy life. Struggling to find the one, so she may as well travel from one beau to another.
Check out her links: Blog | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Thank you to Marya, for her take on dating in Indonesia. I guess one can say, chivalry walks alongside with traditions. I do find it interesting that patriarchy is still largely dominated in Indonesia despite rolling into the modern age. With that, let's move on to what dating in this insanely expensive Asian country is like.
Of course, what's a collaboration if everything is on one blog right? Thus, head over to TheBeauTraveler where you can find out for yourself what dating is like in Singapore when you're not a Crazy Rich Asian. Here's a sneak peek:
...tend to groom themselves better on their first dates. After that, they're more casual - t-shirt, shorts and slippers kind of casual... ...cheating is more common than having an open relationship... -Shi Hui on TheBeauTraveler -
What are you waiting for? Click here and check out my take on Singaporean guys now - while I head to the corner and contemplate my life choices. I mean get ready for more online horror dating stories! :)
For more dating stories check out IreviewUread Dating Section.