Ginger Sooty, GLOVE PUPPET OF DREAMS provides a daily round-up of events at the Sochi 2014 Olympics that are, quite simply Sochi 2014.
Well Folks - What A Day!
Canada beat the USA in the Women’s Ic Hockey. Go heavily padded and helmeted girls!
Britain got a bronze in the women’s curling!
Tony Blair offered his services to the Ukrainian Government after he spotted a kindred spirit in President Yanukovich and his boss “Nipples” Putin. GFB says, “Good on yer Tone, where there is state sponsored terror there is a pound!”
A bunch of old lads got together and won the Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Curling! If only these lads could make a clean sweep of things today!
A couple of sports to look out for.
1. Fried Food Half Pipe - Marvel at Frenchman, Serge Hohehon’s ability to catch a variety of battered foods whilst performing spins, somersaults, back flips and gurning along the half pipe. His three hop bouncing samosa (with pike) needs to be seen to be believed.
The tasty savourys will be launched by American acting legend Patrick Duffy. Pat has very strong wrists and so is suited to flinging fried foods. He will be wearing the swimming trunks he wore in The Man From Atlantis to add a bit of “showbiz” to the event.
2. Ice Pluckery
You are blindfolded and nailed to a spinning wheel. For twenty four hours you are spun and forced to listen to Roseanna by Toto, after which you watch the entire back catalogue of Adam Sandler’s films. Twice.
You then have all your body hair removed by sandpaper, vilified by the cast of Hair and Ernie will bore you senseless about his feet and love of tuna fish sandwiches.
This is Set 1 of Ice Pluckery. There are a further 17 Sets which contain even more cruel and unusual tests of endurance, patience and brain function including; The Braying Banker, Ironing Jelly, “Roger Moore Can Act – Discuss” and a personal favorite – finding the positives in the singing voice of Yoko Ono.
Belgium’s Beatrice Molde is favorite for Gold.
Enjoy The Games!
Sooty