We tend to believe that we should have a good relationship with everyone in our life. But have you found that this is almost impossible? Even if you feel totally good about them, they might start to hate you for something eventually. Or vice versa.This is why I believe that it is more important for a relationship to be right, than for it to be “good”. And as it often happens, things that are right in life, usually turn out to be good after all.
So what do I mean by a relationship being “
right” and “
good”?
Making the relationship right
The right relationship is a relationship where you can interact and engage with that person with a pure heart. This means a heart that is free of anger, resentment, expectations.
It means being who you want to be within the arms of the relationships. It means being your true self and being able to express your true nature. And it means allowing that person to be their true self.
It means mutual respect.
It means being valuable in that persons life. It means to fulfill your responsibilities and duties to that person.
It means having the right distance and right closeness between the two of you.
Making the relationship good
Trying to make a relationship good at all costs becomes a game of trying to make everyone like you and be “good” with you so that you can feel good about them.
But….It’s not about making everyone like you. It’s not about making everyone accept you. It’s actually about allowing yourself to accept other people.
Think about it…If someone does not like you and you find this difficult to deal with. Is it not true that it is actually you who cannot accept their opinion of you?
This is a great thing because if it is your challenge, then it is within your realm of action. You can decide where to go from here. You can choose to accept them.
I know this may sound odd and of course you want every relationship to feel good. But when this becomes the focus of your relationships you start to play
the dangerous game of how much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice to make something “good” and to get someone’s approval and love.
Relationships have to be right. They have to be the way they need to be. They have to embody certain qualities and etiquette. They should be loving, respectful, authentic, valuable.
This can be achieved at different distances and levels of intimacy for different people.
How
Take the time to think about your relationship. Think about who you want to be within this relationship. Are you being this person?
Love, affection, warmth
This must come from you.You are in charge of how much love and warmth you can fill a relationship with. It is about having a pure, soft heart. This comes from allowing this person to be exactly who they are. It means working through resentment and anger and learning how to feel purely for someone. I believe that this comes through lots of inner work and spiritual practice.
Respect
This means mutual respect. Trust and trustworthiness. It means honesty. It means respecting each others time, energies, feelings.
Responsibilities and being valuable
We all have certain responsibilities and duties towards every person in our life, and these responsibilities can range from something very small to much larger karmic responsibilities. But whatever it is, it is important that we do them. We can ask ourselves “How can I be more valuable to this persons life? How can I bring happiness to this person?” and try to do these things for them.
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As a closing point, I believe that relationships tend to turn sour when enough care hasn’t been taken to make them “right” in the first place. As soon as we are able to do that, the relationship finally has a real opportunity to blossom, flourish, and become the wonderful entity it was destined to be!
I hope everyone is having a lovely week. As always, I am sincerely grateful for you reading along.
Malavika
xo