What Makes A Loving Relationship?

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor


For several months, a client had been complaining about her husband’s behavior. She felt she could no longer continue in the marriage as it was. She wanted a loving relationship with her husband, but often felt she played the role of his mother rather than his wife.

She felt sometimes he was another child requiring “care and feeding,” and resented having to do so much work around the house without his help. He was good with their boys, but she wanted a genuine partnership. My client worked a full day, and then came home to face dozens of household chores.

One Saturday afternoon my client attended a bridal shower for a friend. She quickly noted there were two camps of women seemingly pitted against each other. The conversation bordered on superficial matters, mostly about money and what it could buy. The “haves” in the group didn’t work outside the home and although they cared for their children all day, had extra hours to spend on themselves. The “haves” seemed to put down the other camp of women who worked outside the home. Their digs were cutting, but subtle.

The “have nots” were the women who worked, either to help make ends meet or for personal satisfaction. At the end of the day, their choices were limited by time, energy, and household demands. All had little time for the things that made life fun. Some in this group implied the stay-at-home moms were dull and unfulfilled. Again, the digs were cutting, but subtle.

Each camp sat in judgment of the other.

The conversation was disturbing to my client. Was this the essence of life? Did personal success and fulfillment depend on who accumulated the most toys? Did people gain importance by putting other people down?

Arriving home, she found her husband fixing dinner for their boys. Rolling up her sleeves to wash the lettuce, she told him about her afternoon and how the dialogue had depressed her. She concluded by asking, “Is this all there is to life?”

Her husband smiled and answered, “Many people ask that same question.”

After dinner, her husband grabbed a football and led the boys outside to toss the ball. She followed. When it was too dark to play, they came inside and together showered the boys and put them to bed.

  Walking down the stairs, her husband asked, “Did you get your question answered?”

“You were sneaky!” my client replied. “I think you staged the football game to show me the answer.”

Hugging her close he whispered, “But you didn’t have to come outside with us.”

What a message! Tears filled my client’s eyes as she told her story.

 “This is when I realized I really do love him! I have to give him a chance. I’m the one who should look at life with open eyes.”

With her husband’s simple words, my client understood what a loving relationship she truly had. Sometimes it just takes a different perspective to change your world.