Many adopted children decide they want to look for their birth parents at one point or another in their lives. However, it can be confusing to know where to start or how to obtain the information you need, especially if your adoptive parents don't know much about your biological family. Fortunately, there are more resources available than ever for people who want to find long-lost family members. If you need help figuring out where to start, keep reading to learn more about what information you need when searching for your birth mom.
What information do you need when searching for your birth mother?
The truth is the only information you need is whatever information you have available. There are successful stories of birth parents and their children reuniting despite both parties having very little information about each other. Still, having some basic details can be extremely helpful, even if you only have a first or last name or an outdated phone number. Online search websites can help you use details like this to find out more. Looking up people free online is easier than you might think, and public records can provide you with a surprising amount of helpful information. Gather any personal details you have and try a search engine to see what kind of results you get.
Adoptees without access to any information, as is often the case in closed adoptions where records are sealed , may have a harder time finding their birth parents on their own. One thing you should do early on is contact your adoption agency, if you have one. In many cases, your adoption agency will have access to non-identifying information that can help. Some agencies and states also offer voluntary services that allow adoptees to reconnect with their birth mothers. Typically both parties must opt-in, and the process can take years to complete.
If your adoption wasn't closed, then your adoptive parents are likely to be your best source for accurate information. While some parents find the subject difficult to talk about, it's important to find ways to discuss your adoption with your family without upsetting anyone. Your adoptive parents should understand your desire for more information.
How can you prepare to meet your birth mom?
Even once you've done the hard work of finding your birth mother, it can be extremely difficult to decide what to do with the information you've obtained. It's a good idea to think about sitting down with a therapist before you contact them, and especially before meeting them if you choose to set one up. Meeting or talking to your birth mother for the first time can be an overwhelming experience, and you should consider how you plan to process your emotions after doing so.
You should also prepare yourself for the possibility that your birth mother isn't interested in reconnecting at the moment. Adoption can be emotionally difficult and even traumatizing for both adoptees and birth parents. Being contacted out of the blue by your biological child can bring up a lot of feelings, and it may take them some time to sort through them. That's why most experts recommend a letter or an email that they can respond to when they feel comfortable doing so, rather than knocking on someone's door when they aren't expecting you.
Though it can be exciting to find your biological family, there are a lot of emotional factors that need to be considered before you dive in. You may also find that gathering enough details to find your birth mother's location or contact information can be difficult, particularly if your adoptive parents don't know them or if the adoption was closed. Even if your records are sealed, you shouldn't give up. There are still programs you can use to make contact with your biological mother. No matter how you decide to approach your search, don't rush into it and take the time to prepare emotionally for the experience of reconnecting with each other before you actually take steps to do so in real life.