Thank you all for the suggestion you made on topics to write about They were all greatAnd today's topic was suggested by the lovely ShelbyAnd it's about what I achieved todayOr actually what I achieved yesterday because it's only 10am hereSo apart from crawling out of bedI haven't done muchAnywayLet's begin
Yesterday was Thursday 4th JuneFirst things firstThe first thing I achieved was getting out of bedI know this sounds like a minor thing But the way I feel sometimes in the morningGetting up at all is an achievement
NextI brought Honey and Lea for a walkThen brought my neighbours dog for a walkAlbeit a very short one
After a cup of teaI went and had a sun bed sessionIt was then bearing 1pmTime for my lunch time meetingI had an argument in my head about whether to go or notI stared in to the mirror Literally looking at myselfAnd having a fight with my own reflectionI know I should goBut what I really want to do is drive straight home and take a fistful of meds In the endI did the right thingAnd went to my meeting
I arrived at AA lateI hate being lateI sat down And immediately felt anxiousIt was only a small meetingBut I was dreading speakingAnd in factI couldn't think of anything to talk aboutSo I decided I wouldn't speak at allBut then there was such a long silence after everyone else had spoken That I felt under a bit of pressure to speakSo I didWhich was an achievement in itself But I spoke from a place of fear and anxietySo the words fell out of my mouthAnd the weren't necessarily the words I wanted to speak I didn't say muchBut I wasn't happy with what I saidThe meeting finished upAnd I headed home Even though it didn't go as plannedI was glad I went
Then in the car on the way home The post meeting analysis beganI began to take apart everything I had said Wondering what the others thought of meHad I said anything wrong or offensive?It was relentless I kept saying out loud'Shut up' But my mind was in a frenzyAnd I was mentally beating myself upI got homeAnd againMy mind turned to medsAnd yet again I had another argument with myself about whether to take a knock out amountI knew I had Mary in a couple of hoursAnd I was so tempted to text her to cancelBut then I remembered that she had said she is extremely busyAnd if I am going to cancel To give her plenty of noticeI didn't think it was fair to cancelSo I didn't Another achievement I was so glad I went to see MaryShe is such a breath of fresh air And in talking to her I felt the pressure life from my head
Other things I achieved today.....
I didn't overuse my meds
I helped my sister make pasta
I didn't smoke
I gave my mom some money towards housekeeping
I resisted the urge to Internet shop
I didn't bite the head off the shopkeeper that was rude to me
I ignored a call from The Boys friend
What did you achieve today?