I have my last session with Mary this afternoonIn recent weeksWe agreed that I would weigh myself once a weekAnd she wouldn't weigh me at allI had been putting it off all weekI really didn't want my good mood spoiled by the little numbers on my scale I was going to do it the other nightWhen my sister was weighing herself But I just couldn't bring myself to do it
Side note: My sister is now convinced that she is fatWelcome to my world...
Last night I bit the bullet And pulled out my scales from its home under my drawersI had been trying on clothes to wear on holidays And in between outfits In my underwear I stood on the scales And a funny thing happenedI registered the numberThe second highest number I've ever seen on a weighing scales in my whole lifeI waited for the horror to envelop meThe shameThe embarrassment The guilt to wash over meI closed my eyes and braced myself But you know what ?It didn't happenThe absolute disgust I felt the last time I reached this weight just didn't happenI opened my eyes and stood off the scale Mild confusion set inI got dressed And sat on the edge of my bed Thinking
I'm not entirely sure when it happenedBut the number on the scale seems to have lost its powerAnd importance over meHow?I'm not sure of that either All I know is that I can now stand on my scales without having a complete meltdownIf I was braver I would share my weight with youBut I'm not So I won't
Even though I had no initial reaction to my weight I did make a secret pact with myself to lose some weight before my holidayThat lasted about two hoursWhen I decided a lolly was more fun than a dietThe thing isThat I have gained weight But my clothes still fit meApart from one pair of trousers which I don't really wear anyway But I feel ok in my skinI know I'm now curvy And shapely And that's ok I am ok Just the way I am
Right Will update after session with MaryHave a lovely Tuesday....