Weathered. #50daysToFifty

By Jenrene

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

I looked up the word " Weathered " in sheer anticipation, hoping I could find some jewel of a word that described this journey towards fifty. To tell t he truth, I didn't f find anything amazingly intriguing... but then, some may beg to differ.

I was encouraged by this word: " countenance". Surprised?

Maybe. I thought what do I mean when I say a weathered ability about myself exists just from becoming and taking part in this things called life? I suppose it would have something to do with my ability to "be" - come.

Your countenance has everything to do with you attitude, your bearings and how you wrap yourself around a situation or thought life; it has to do with your character your condition, and your demeanor.

I tell you... I am not pressed about by every whim and worry no more. I appreciate the little things in life, and the little people. I don't get all 'tied up' by things because I have learned they just tend to work themselves out. If we seek peace, and we pursue it. If we determine in our hearts it will work out, 'a worked out ' solution - will eventually find us.

I love the word countenance, because it is wrapped around this word "weathered." It helps me see that if I endure, and if I withstand even the most challenging things in life - even as a tree weathers a storm, then I too, will have the marks to show my resistance to the storms in life that caused me to doubt my ability to withstand. I love the words resistance, as well.

For one, as a therapist, we tend to see it as a challenge when a client represents with resistance. And I thoroughly live trying to break through it .. sometimes... although often it can be a pain.

Just like anything else in life. That requires breakthrough.

Several of us don't believe in breakthrough. We don't believe in ever trying because we think we already know what shall happen. However, I have been so, so surprised.

I remember one time in my life, I was really, really depressed. And I found out through surrendering, life became so much easier. I wanted to give up, every single day I woke up for about a year. And I wasn't really sure what " give up" meant, but ... I had a notion. so,, you know you get in that place, where you wonder in life.. "How did I get here?!!" ( You think... Heck, it stinks.) And it did.

But then I just let my soul cry out , and feel the pain of being there. I knew if I was here, and if my life had purpose, then this was a part of the process. But I also knew I had to come out of it. I had to 'weather' this. Yet I determined I would not do this alone. And if there was help, I asked God to send it.

And he did.

Like... immediately.

And I tell you, I was shocked out of my mind. That there was even help like he sent it.

It increased my hope. And my experience with God proved that if there was anything ever in life to receive breakthrough, with - God was the 'One' to bring the break through. changed my whole demeanor, my expression and attitude towards life , changed my outlook, my disposition and my grace in living , in this life. I even had one person tell me I had such "poise" in how I approached life.

I thought: "Wow ...if they only knew me and where I was in this dark hole, like ten years ago..." Yeah, I have been weathered.

And happily so... it didn't feel very good at the time, and I felt like I was quite the unstable one... yet I had a such a peace in the outcome. And that's because I cried out.

Surrendered.

Yes, my countenance changed.

After all that weathering.

Hmmmm......