We reached this stage on Sunday night. I really hoped that when she did get the physical reminders of what anorexia is all about, it would be enough to turn her around. IT WAS! The muscle cramping and tiredness showed her she cannot even do the normal physical things in life that she would normally take forgranted. Washing her car exhausted her and cramped her muscles. Climbing stairs at school produced major cramp. Martial arts was really tiring and lots of cramps. It is grading this week, so now she is trying to rebuild what she has lost to be able to grade to the next level.
Something in her physical body makeup now, breaks down very quickly. Soph cramps very quickly when her food intake drops below what she needs. I told she needs to be very thankful for that earlier alert warning – otherwise she would continue to restrict for much longer.
As of yesterday she ate 3 meals and took magnesium supplements to help sustain her muscles. It wasn’t easy to eat. It’s not as if you realize the damage you are doing by restricting so you willingly and happily eat the correct amount of food. She ate but it was really hard. The voice in her head was loud, she felt bad and guilty. A failure at being anorexic. It becomes a trade off or compromise until she is able to silence the voice more. On one hand Sophie wants to live normal and do the things she enjoys. On the other hand she wants to restrict. Recovery therapy is learning to weigh the costs and benefits of the eating disorder vs normal life. So as much as she still wants to restrict, she is responding to the learned knowledge the ED will cost more.
It is never a one step logical turnaround to recovery for those relapsing back into eating disorder behavior. It is always at least a six step complex psychological, emotional turnaround.
And you often need some support around you to make even the easiest decision.
Psychiatrist today. Probably no counseling this week unless it is via email. Her counselor only had today available and having two similar appointments on the same day is mentally and emotionally exhausting. At least, for now, she is heading back in the right direction.