I feel I have't really written here is ages.But there has been a lot of things going onfrom a Mom's heart perspective
behind all the pictures of pretty clothes, crowns and parties.
There is our daughter's wedding in less thank two monthsI know understand fully the drama and havocweddings can throw into your life.As well as moments of extreme sentiment.
There was my youngest and final childmoving out at the beginning of the year.which for me always comes with time spent grievingbefore taking a deep breathand fully realizing in my heart
the achievement for all involved.
There has been the untanglingof an estrangement with my oldest son.Something that was so tender in my heartI dared not write about ituntilI could exhale andknow we were trulygood and solid.This is a story and a processunto it's selfthat I will share at a later date
with my son's permission.
I am writing todayas a letter to myselfto remember the journeyof A Nest Emptied.
I know I won't always feel this wayI will eventually fully cross this river of yet anotherlife transition.
But right nowit feels still a bit odd.Not all bad by any meansJust so strange.
Last week I finished changing out a final bedroominto anothercloset/guest room.
For meclearing out the oldand
repurposing what is lefthelps me move on emotionallyTidy closets full of organized wardrobehelp fill in the void.Not a perfect solutionbut a solution that is good for the now.
It's definitely not that I want any of my children to move back homefor I am wildly proud of themfor supporting themselvesand the courage they haveto take life on each in their own ways.
I think what I miss is the definiteness of purpose in my life.
When I was pregnantand while my children were growing upthere seemed to be so much information on motherhoodduring those growing children into adult phases.
But then the information stopped
or
maybe
I was so certain that I thoughtI already knew about an empty nest
looked like
I never searched
or
maybeI think reallyI was so invested in raising my children the very best I couldI simply didn't look ahead.
Most likely because I loved them all so fiercelyI couldn't even imagine a daywhen they would all be gone from our family home.
And don't misunderstandsome days I can bask in the glow of a job well doneand a calm, cozy homewith closetspaces my wardrobe has taken over.
But then there are days I wake to a life I don't even recognize.
And a heart that hurts so much
I wish I could just reach into my chest
so I pull it out
and
set it on a shelf
just for a respite from the stabbing pain.
Just a break from a heartache.
Some days my life just all feels so different.
I feel like I can't quite get
solid footing.
Maybe
it's just that there seems to be so much flux in each of my children's lives.
We have been preparing for over a yearfor our daughter's wedding in May.
I have been so highly invested in untangling the estrangement with my oldest sonfor the last year.
So afraid
I'd make a mistake
and
it would all come undone.
I am still letting it settle in my heartthat my youngest moved out and on.We have weekly dinners with himand he and I do breakfast on our own once a month.So we are all 'good'
Maybe it's that the all the changes
that have me so emotional.Maybe it's stilllearning the always transforming
that isHolding On and Letting Go.
That life with children
is always about.
But I do know
it's just so important
to
take the time and reflect
on
a journey
that at times
seems to be speeding by.
To take the time
to savor
the bitter
which so often is
served with such sweetness in life.
I have always
found change a challenge.
So maybeit's just giving myself
time and grace
to get used to this new view
that is
An Emptied Nest.
I have no doubt
I will eventually
fully realize
the beauty
in this newest
Life View.
But I have a fierce
Loving Momma's Heart.
So I will give myself time.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life