The solar calendar reflects the current year as 2020. It's been a year fraught with difficulty. The COVID 19 pandemic, isolation from others, too much time with others, division, political partisanship, anger, upset, sadness, loss, desperation, fear, hopelessness, and uncertainty have plagued many of us. So many of us are just worn out by it all. The lunar calendar tells a slightly different story though. This month brought us a new year on the Jewish lunar calendar. 5780 transitioned into 5781. And with it, hopes for renewal and healing. You don't have to be Jewish to step into this new flow, you just have to want to move forward into new beginnings and new ways of being.
How do we move forward from this stressful place we find ourselves in? How do we heal from the difficulties that 2020 has brought with it? How do we move in a new direction with compassion, love and hope in our hearts?
I think we may have to let go a bit. Let go of righteous indignation. Let go of the need to be right. Let go of having the need to know the future. Let go of the need to know what comes next. Stop clinging to the anger and the unfairness of it all. Allow ourselves to just be present in the moment we are in now, because that's where we are and that's where love, hope and compassion are found. Right here. Right now. If we allow it. If we allow ourselves to stop reacting to everything. If we allow ourselves to take a deep breath (or two or three) and stop fighting everyone and everything. If we allow ourselves to just rest where we're at for the moment.
Now, that does not mean that we just stop and stay stuck. It does not mean that we give up on our hopes and our dreams and our values. Quite the opposite. It means we maintain focus on what is important to us and act according to our values, instead of getting swept up in the negativity of our surroundings. We take one step at a time, moving towards where we want to go, staying mindful of each step that we take. We hold on to who we are and let others be who they are without the need or desire to change them.
How can we scream and yell and rail about hypocracy and ask for compassionate behavior from others when you/me/we have left compassion behind? There is no healing to be found there. We need to make a choice to do something that will better serve us all. This means we need to strive to choose to have compassion...for ourselves and for everyone...no matter how difficult that seems at first. That is where the healing is to be found. In compassion. Not in anger. Anger destroys and divides and leaves us feeling helpless. It may feel energizing and empowering at first, but it is ultimately depleting and destructive. It leads to hopelessness, disconnection and disempowerment. We ultimately become victim to it.
Compassion, on the other hand, empowers us. It is always there for us. It softens us. It clears our vision. It allows us to see beyond the anger, fear and hopelessness, because it allows us to be human and connect with other humans and their humanity. It allows us to remember that we are all just flawed humans. We can allow ourselves to tolerate the imperfections in others and in ourselves, because we know humans are imperfect. It relieves us. It heals us.
This is not just lofty gossamer musings to be easily dismissed. This is about the simplicity and practicality of life. If you simply let yourself look for compassion, if you remember that it is there for you, you will find it. It is always available to you, if you allow yourself to open to it.
Will you open to it? Will you let yourself feel compassion for yourself, your family, your friends, your community, your country and our world? Why am I asking? Because this is what's needed now. Compassion for one another, no matter our differences. Compassion is something we all share the capacity for if we allow it. Allow it and we will all begin to heal.
These simple beautiful words are powerful:
May I/you/we be filled with Loving KindnessMay I/you/we be healthy and well
May I/you/we be peaceful and at ease
My I/you/we be happy
Angry or disappointed with a family member, friend, or colleague? Upset with yourself? Try this out for a minute. Drop your shoulders and just breath for a moment, aware of your surroundings and your breath. Now say these words above for yourself, for those you love, for those you are struggling with, for the whole world. Now notice how you feel.
These words allow us to let go of what no longer serves us - fear, long-held anger, self-doubt, resentment, ruminative worry, despair, hopelessness, feelings of loss of control, and victimization. These words bring out the best in us and ultimately help us to connect to the best of each other. It is in this connection to the compassion to one another that we move forward together. It is in this connection that we allow ourselves to heal.
It's time to move forward. It's time to heal. It's time to have compassion for ourselves and others. Individually and collectively compassion changes us and makes things just a bit easier. It lets us shed what no longer serves us.
Will you give it a try and see what you think? I'll do it with you...
Be happy and well,
Sari Alldredge Roth
I am a medical psychologist and the director of Intuitive Psychology, PLC in Scottsdale, AZ. I am an adjunct professor at Arizona State University supervising and teaching psychology doctoral students studying behavioral medicine. I trained at Harvard University (M.Ed.), Arizona State University (Ph.D.) and University of Washington School of Medicine (residency in behavioral medicine). My clinical and research work over the last 20 years has focused on helping adults and older adults handle the challenges of physical illness, aging, brain injury, and chronic pain. My current work explores the role of intuition and spirituality in the psychological healing process, as well as the practical application of recent scientific evidence linking mindful awareness and consciousness to neural network changes in the brain. I'm learning all the time. Thanks for your input on the blog; it means the world to me. View all posts by Dr. Sari Roth-Roemer