Those who have been reading nepalilovestory for some time will know that I like to write about all sides of life in an intercultural relationship, both the good and the not so good. There are not so good times in all our lives and relationships, it is only human. The naked truth appears after the extraordinary adventure of being in an intercultural relationship has been stripped away; it presents itself to you naked and as exposed as any other normal human relationship.
Many people find themselves attracted to others of a different ethnicity, religion or culture; why wouldn’t we? With over 7 billion people in the world it is only logical to find someone outside of what we know and have experienced further enriching our lives. When you instantly click with whomever it is your heart has attached itself to, your life is turned upside down by having to worry about things you never had to think of before. Whether that ranges from buying Halal, to learning a language or even thinking of what hand to eat with, the point is that you have to become a ‘pseudo member’ of that culture.
That is all very well at first, but like every other relationship, intercultural relationships have to come out of the honeymoon phase eventually. Dissimilarly though, they have to go through it twice, once the intercultural honeymoon phase wears off. It may not seem it now, but there is a point where the cutesy expectation to learn your partner’s language becomes a pain in the arse. So as you can see, we have it hard – twice in fact.
Likewise, the food you once thought you could eat every day becomes bland and monotonous. The music you once thought was charming can give you a headache. Indeed, those mannerisms you once thought charming and quirky can turn out to be irritating and even a little bad mannered.
I wish someone had told me this before I had to find out the hard way. It is common; every intercultural couple accepts the naked truth at some point. Without the hyperbolic excitement that intercultural difference brings along, you are looking your partner naked in the eye. And to some, that is a scary thing.
This is the point where you have to reconsider if you truly are compatible as a couple of if your differences stem much deeper than your overt intercultural ones. For many, this is also the time where you have to recognize if your partner is requesting too much from you or asking you to give up too much of your own identity. After comprehending the naked truth, each argument thenceforth can propose itself as a question of whether this is your intercultural or much deeper, your personal incompatibility becoming apparent.
My advice would be not to invest so much time in your partner’s culture in the beginning. It is easy to fall into the habit of going the extra mile and making the extra effort – from making foods your partner loves every day, making friends with his friends and people from his culture, learning the language, the dance, the dress… etc. Those things come with time and one thing you have got in a relationship is plenty of time. Wait until the intercultural honeymoon phase is over before you make such an investment into your partner’s culture or start sacrificing your own.
Thus, it is not wise to enter into an intercultural relationship just because you fancy yourself wearing red instead of white on your wedding day. Neither is it sensible to enter into one without being aware that one day the fabricated excitement of being in an intercultural relationship will one day wear off. Bearing that in mind, intercultural relationships are one of the best ones to be in. Sharing someone else’s culture in your life and relationship comes close to no other.