The bedtime routine in our household starts around the dinner table, as this is when I start mentally preparing for the task ahead. Each evening we play a round of ‘what did you learn today’ in which all members of the family are required to contribute to the discussion.
H has learnt that, if you’re the boy next door, you get into trouble for trying to sell her conkers. I for one can’t understand this; I think this boy must have been fairly ingenious, what’s that saying? ‘Selling ice to Eskimos?’ I think him rather entrepreneurial myself.
The hubby has learnt that, if you complain to the railway network that there are too few carriages on the rush hour service, you actually get a personal phone call to discuss your grievances….. wow, who knew?
Baby Roo has learnt ‘mmmmmammma’, I translate this to mean ‘if I empty all the nappies from the box every half an hour, mommy stops the dishwasher shuffle to pay me extra attention.
But what have I learnt…… hmmm, if you question why the Christmas present delivery didn’t arrive as expected, the company will explain that the courier delivered them instead to a Mrs J Hillman?! Who happily signed for the items despite having no recollection of ordering them….. I hope you’re enjoying Harriet’s fashion designer set and Rupert’s wooden blocks B”%*H!!! (Bet ill see them on ebay soon).
Once dinner is over and the crock pot left to soak for a few days, all attention turns to bath-time. While the husband negotiates the baby I survey the carnage of the day: the nappies out of box, the train set chewed then discarded, the dressing up box upturned, the cushions now a fort in the center of the living room and a half eaten gingerbread man squished into the rug…. I think bath-time would be preferable to this lot! Trouping up to the top floor I casually ignore the debris on the stairs begging to be taken up, stop by my office to count the coffecups and note the trail of mashed potato which has fallen of the baby on his way to meet ducky and boat….. No wonder I’ve not got around to putting the pictures up in the hall or painting my chalkboard list…..
Harriet has pulled out the entire bookcase to find her favorite story; she is prancing about to ‘the Disney collection’ CD and clearly doesn’t understand that calm down time does not include demonstrating a new dance routine. The baby is chewing his tooth brush and the husband is searching for the shampoo with one hand. Perhaps that gingerbread man downstairs needs some company after all? I settle the eldest to read and get a rundown of every bruise and bump from the day at school, this is from a football, this is from the adventure playground, this is from the where I bit my nail… it’s thrilling stuff! But it’s also ‘CALM DOWN TIME’
Next begins the ‘which teddy to cuddle tonight’ fiasco, everyone gets an equal turn but it appears, Sally dog has gone walkies on her designated night…. She needs to be located otherwise she will miss out! Ofcourse you can’t swap the order, it could cause a rift and apparently the stuffed animals in particular are still recovering from the shock of moving house.
I leave her to deal with teddy anxiety issues and manage to catch the final page of ‘That’s not my monster….’. Hubby and I do a swap, he locates Sally dog, inside the fort and manages to squish the gingerbread man further into the rug with his bare feet…. Cue the sound of running water and the eldest needing to inspect the damage…
I feed the baby and, for a few serine minuets, I consider falling asleep also, but, baby must be put in cot awake, or I’ll be up and down the stairs for the rest of the night while he tries to remember how to ‘self soothe’…… I lower him into the cot, nice and drowsy…….very calm and content, he might just drift off….BANG!! H is showing Hubby the dance routine, baby starts to cry and I hear from the eldest’s room… ‘ITS CALM DOWN TIME’.
Baby settles on boob once more, I lower him down into cot…. He Parps, then throws up the extra milk down my top…. Still, I think he might actually go to sleep……yes, yes, he’s rolled onto his side, I close the door, locate the monitor and WOOOO HOOOO, one down!
Upstairs she is in her Jammies and finally in bed, I lean down to give a kiss good night……thinking ahead to the carnage downstairs….. ‘Goodnight Mummy, love you too, don’t forget my costume for tomorrow’s School trip’
‘Oh crap!!!!’
When’s OUR calm down time??