Suck It up Buttercup!

Yes, it is time for my to firmly tell myself to suck it up and get on with it....or better yet, get over it!
My running this week has been no walk in the park. No rushing endorphins. No feeling of grandeur. It has been a true testiment of determination to do what I know deep down inside I should do and what I want to do. Don't get me wrong, each day I have wanted to run. The thing is, my runs have felt awkward like a new baby taking their first steps. My legs seem to be disconnected from my brain and feel funny. I feel myself tensing up on the treadmill. In all reality, I am tense from the second I step onto it. With this fear I started my run today, did a measly 2.88 miles, and stepped off to go do my yoga. As I left the gym I pondered how on Earth can I break a 4:00 marathon if a simple 3 miler is kicking my butt?!
The thing is, I know I am stressed and feel the burden of the world on my shoulders. I know there is a lot going on, a lot I need to do. Each day dear hubby asks me how work is and I say busy. He says good but in all reality, less busy would be fine. An avalanche is crushing down on me and burying me so deep I wonder if I will ever pull myself out. I run and do yoga daily. I scratch to keep my breathing hole open and to keep in touch with myself and my inner core somehow but I am barely hanging on.
And then something happened. On my drive into work today I had a thought. An idea. A vision. Something I want us to do at work. I know it is hard but I also know we can do it, we should do it. Just dig deep. Keep asking. I feel myself being buoyed up with inspiration and the hope of better things to come. I feel....wait...optimistic!!!! Yes, optimistic! I am back!
Even before leaving the gym I knew I needed to stop mourning the miles I didn't run. I was beginning to see the light and accept where I am today. I realized what I run today really won't negatively impact my big goals in running. I know I am doing yoga and that is impacting my body. I know I need to stick to it as I do see improvements. I know my body is working hard, adapting, and getting stronger. I realize it could be affecting how my legs feel. I know these little runs feel measly to me but I also know they are big. I could have chosen not to run. I wouldn't...but I could. Years ago I would have. But not now. I am getting mentally stronger. And the fact that I keep going back to my daily run each and every day this week when they have been blah and I feel fear building up inside of me just shows me that the inner strength I will need to achieve my big goals is there. This string of yuck will make me a better runner. It will.
I need to suck it up and stop being so hard on myself. I need to just go with the flow and have faith that I will indeed not be buried alive at work. I won't. It will all be fine. I will do great with each task assigned to me. I will perservere and grow through this experience. I will. Because in all reality, the thing weighing the heaviest on me is the desire to organize and put on an amazing race. Read about it HERE. And I will.
Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for finding my positivity again!
Daily Affirmation: I am strong!