I'm almost a week purge freeAnd that is greatNothing short of a small miracleBut I have to be honestIt's not easyNot one little bitI'm trying to eat proper meals and snacksI have one slice of toast in the morningMaybe soup for lunchAnd whatever is going for dinnerUsually I would eat a big portionAs it wouldn't be staying down So it didn't matter how much I ateBut now I have to be more mindful and more careful with my portionsAnd I must admit I have been avoiding carbsAs hey make me feel way too fullI guess that my stomach has shrunk over the years And now any amount of food is uncomfortableI feel like I am eating But the food isn't going any whereIt's just sitting in my gut Take yesterday for example We were having chips and fish fingers and beans for dinnerI had four fish fingers and a small portion of beans No chips As I knew they would fill me up completely Even though I only had a small portion for dinner The whole evening long I felt so fullSo bloated And so uncomfortable This is exactly the reason why I purged so much Because I couldn't handle the full feelingAnd now I am feeling full all dayIt's doing my head in!
Last night I felt like I was losing the plot I was in so much discomfort My mother suggested that I drink some hot water and lemonAnd use a hot water bottle The lemon drink did helpThe discomfort subsided And it felt like the food was moving alongI went to bed early As I was wiped outI woke up in the middle of the night And had the worlds longest weeThen another one early morningAnd another one when I got upSo I'm thinking that I was retaining water And the lemon drink helped my digestionI knew this would happen I knew there would be a period of time when my body was readjusting to not making it purge several times a dayAnd I know it will settle down When my body gets used to having food inside it I just need to be patient And ride it out
They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit I am almost one third of the way there I have had horrendous cravings to purge To get the food out of my stomach To feel emptyBut I am determined not to purge I have very valid reasons tooI want to keep my teeth in good shape I don't want to get an infection in my lipI can't afford to keep up with the amount of food I was eating And for my general health and Well being Not to mention the freedom and peace of mind that comes with a life without bulimia/anorexiaIt's just not worth it And as for my weightI'm just going to have to suck thTttttat up tooI just can't wait for the bloating to subside I feel like I am full of airLike if you stuck a pin in meI would deflate and fly around the room like a balloon
I just hope this passes soon I can't take much more......