Yesterday I was at the skating rink with Katy, my granddaughter, which is our usual Friday activity. She has been skating for almost four years and is still going strong. Her coach seemed quite pensive as she came over to the spectator area where I was observing the lesson. The coach showed Katy a video of her doing a difficult combination. She then looked at me and said, “She makes me a better coach because I have to think so much.”
I thought about that comment, which lends itself to many aspects of life, not just sports. Being a better spouse can add miles to your marriage. Devoting thought to your relationship, to create a happily ever after, is worth the effort.
What happens when we stop thinking about our relationship, as if it could exist with no care or tending? That question came up in one of my couple’s sessions.
“It’s easy to focus on other things,” Lamarr admitted.
“That’s right,” Tyesha agreed. “We get tired out with careers, kids, and schedules. We’re no longer as focused on—well, you know, the fun stuff between each other, such as what goes on between the sheets.”
Lamarr sighed. “I’m so caught up in social stuff,my friends and work colleagues. I’m often online or on the phone, right up to bedtime. I sure wish there were a romantic re-set button I could push, to get back on track with Tyesha.”
“Everything Lamarr said, it’s the same with me,” Tyesha said. “We got this sensual waterbed last year,” she laughed, “but all that’s happened is that we’ve drifted apart!”
So here’s my best advice. Children grow up and move out of your home; jobs come and go. But your marriage is the one stable thing capable of lasting as long as you do.
For some people, the marriage ends through a traumatic experience, perhaps an affair or a spouse’s unexpected illness. For some, it happens when a spouse looks up one day and talks divorce. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t have to be this way.
As Katy’s skating coach said, “thinking so much is making her a better coach”. Well maybe you are not a coach and you don’t have to think quite that hard to teach a skating combination but the idea does have merit.
Consider this:
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” ~ Lao Tzu
So how about taking the time each day to think about how to be the best spouse you can be. Maybe it isn’t even difficult. Just some good old fashioned thought about what you can do to be that better spouse might be all you need.
Maybe it’s bringing a cup of coffee in the morning or maybe it’s giving the kids a bath or maybe it’s just saying” I love you.” No matter how big or small the gesture is, if you didn’t think it, it wouldn’t happen. See how creative you can be.
The bottom line: It is all up to you!