Posted by Sophie Westrope on May 16, 2013 · 2 Comments
WE’VE all been there. You’re in a new relationship with somebody so great you think the sun shines out of their posterior. You spend hours just lounging around wondering how you lucked out and found yourself such an incredible suitor. You want to spend every waking moment kissing, holding hands and humping (lots of humping, like rabbit levels of humping) It feels like the world is empty and it’s just the two of you floating around in a bubble of love. But wait a damn minute, what happened to your friends, pal?!
The infamously lame ‘Guy Code’ holds a strong emphasis on ‘Bros before Hoes’ (which isn’t insulting at all) but there doesn’t seem to be a female equivalent. Why do we allow our friends to disappear just because they’re suddenly getting some action? And why do we decide to go MIA as soon as somebody agrees to be seen in public with us? Our buddies have been there for us in our lowest singleton moments, have prized the chocolate spread jar and spoon from our icy grip and put us to bed when we’ve been drunkenly dialing our ex-boyfriend after too much Sambuca but when we’re getting laid and wearing rose-tinted glasses in the honeymoon period of a new fling we tend to forget their very existence in favour of nurturing (or smothering, whichever way you see it) our love. And apparently age is not an issue when it comes to Relationship Amnesia, (I’m trademarking this term, fyi) in fact the very inspiration for this post came from my 13-year-old sister who had more than enough to say about her best friend’s new boyfriend and how she’s been ‘skanked’ and replaced with some spiky-haired Lynx-wearing spotty teenage boy.
While my longest relationship was also long-distance I used to fall ill with RA when he returned home from long trips abroad but by that time I’d spent so much time on my own, being forgotten by my also-coupled-up girlfriends that I didn’t feel too guilty about going off the radar for his two weeks of leave. But now I see the error of my ways and realise that this is a raw deal for friends and even family. While you can’t pick which group of crazies you’re born into, you happen to choose your friendships and spend a lot of time working on them over the years — most of my closest friends are girls I’ve known since nursery — so why are they neglected and dropped when your relationship status changes?
I say we stop this now. Tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you won’t be spending tonight watching some terrible rom-com with them while you put on those few comfortable-in-my-relationship pounds as you stuff an Indian takeaway and popcorn down your neck, and instead call up your best pals and ask if they want to catch up. And you’ve been hibernating in your couple for a while now so don’t be too forlorn if they tell you ‘piss off’ at first. Give them your sincerest apologies and try to make amends, but don’t promise you won’t do another disappearing act again unless you’re really committed to working on the most important relationships you’ll ever have: your friendships. I hate to use a tired cliche but fuck-buddies, boyfriends and bits on the side will come and go but your crazy weirdo mates will be there forever. So please, stop being selfish coupled-up buttheads and drop your friends a text every now and again, and show your face at the pub once in a while, maybe sans partner, and try to talk about something that doesn’t involve your other half’s name twenty times.
Understood? Don’t make me have to say it again, people.