Relationship Advice for Tuesday – Be Yourself

The message for today is to share who you are with your significant other. So let me share this with you.

I grew up on Long Island, New York. It was an amazing place for a girl to come of age! What was enjoyable was the sense of the water surrounding me, especially the Long Island Sound. I spent many hours walking the New York beaches. As a young girl, ideas and inspiration came to me as sand crept through my toes.

When I was young I devoured the Nancy Drew book series, and I imagined myself saving the day as each mystery unraveled. I read the Bobbsey Twins books, too, and I lived the adventures of Bert, Nan, Flossie, and Freddie. I especially enjoyed the delicious descriptions of life in the country—something very different for a New York girl.

My life, real and imaginary, was captured in my diary, which was my constant companion. I loved putting words on paper, and I pretended I was writing to a friend. My words—whether they were angry, sad, happy, or fearful—always gave me a sense of power. My love for written expression continues to this day. I am very taken with this explanation by Anaïs Nin:

“We write to heighten our own awareness of life.… We write to be able to transcend our life, to reach beyond it. We write to teach ourselves to speak with others, to record the journey into the labyrinth … and I call it breathing.”
(The New Woman, 1974)

While growing up, I was influenced by the bright lights of Broadway—so near, and yet so far! For years, I wished that I could be on stage, and my mother encouraged my dreams by taking me into the city for acting and dancing lessons. She was an actress at heart, and we went to many Broadway and off-Broadway productions. The creativity, ambition, and panache that filled that spectacular avenue in Manhattan put stars in my eyes.

What I was like as a young girl is a part of me. Who we are impacts all of what we do. Your life is the culmination of each decision you make every moment (whether you are aware of what you are choosing or not).

When you make decisions, consider the intention behind every action you take and make a conscious choice to do only what is right for you. Gather your courage. Say “no” to option that doesn’t allow you to be yourself, or to live in alignment with your dreams.

What will you choose? Will you choose to be responsible for every action in your life? Or will you continue to give your power away “in order to feel valued and accepted in the eyes of another”? It is an important decision, and if you want to read more about it, a good book is A Simple Guide to Being Yourself Instead of People Pleasing, by Carol Stansfield

What about you? Can you write a few paragraphs about who you are and share it with your partner? Sharing your childhood memories is one of the most intimate experiences you can have together.

Each of us comes into this world with unique attributes and personality characteristics. We then meet up with someone and want to share our life with this person. Don’t we owe it to our partner to bring him or her up to speed on who we are, how we think, and what we value? It is then that a real relationship begins, sharing our truth and vulnerabilities.

Take a trip to yesterday with your partner, and talk together about the special memories and experiences that made both of you who you are today.