Written By: Cathy Shuba
When I first became sober I went to AA meetings that had you stand up in front of all who were there, say your name than call yourself an ALCOHOLIC. Today, I no longer go to 12 step meetings and have no desire to stand and tell all I am an alcoholic. What’s the need to? What’s the motive behind it? To show all your less than, screwed-up and are worthless to everyone. What does this make one feel when first getting sober about one self? Worse than when they first had the courage just to show up,…no wonder not many stay. Why do this? To feel belittled. The 12 step program will say you need to announce your name, admit what you are and realize you have a problem with the title you give yourself. So admit your a looser, sit down and listen and if you don’t it is all your fault…your then still a looser. Geez!, that is so inspiring and motivating to attend isn’t it?…NOT! I was naive, vulnerable and scared to death when I was first sober and for anyone who is in that state of mind is easy to influence, intimidate and control. I look back now and think, what a shame to have to do that, feel that way and know there’s no way out until one gets healthier enough to see what is really going on. I once felt and thought if you or someone did not do such a thing you were not accountable and really did not want to face up to your faults. That is simply not true, I have learned that one does not have to belittle one self in order to change for the better. I changed because I chose to change and that was the bottom line! So as I see myself today is by saying, “I Went, I Came, I Saw, I Left!” I have no need to prove, nor do I have to explain or show others I am an alcoholic. That is no longer productive or necessary to do such a thing. I am recovered and I am MORE than the title I once always gave myself, an alcoholic.
Some of you may be mortified to hear me say such things. OK! Some may feel I am on the verge of using, drinking and going over the edge. No, I am not I am recovered and feel no need to obsess over recovery and needing it so much as what I was brain washed to think. I will continue to write and share my story but with more life than recovery to the story of how I live today,…recovered. I need MORE in my life, I have more in my life. Some may feel the need to change me, control me and tell me I am nuts not to go to AA meetings anymore. I no longer want to belong to something that says one thing and does another. Some may never come and read my blog again and think I went crazy. I didn’t I just woke up from a very long coma. AA coma, 12 step coma. I am a wake, I am free, I have recovered, I have MORE!
For those of you who have stepped out the box and bought my book “Drunk to Sober” Running in a new direction you will learn more about what led me to no longer belong to AA and later chose a different way of recovering. But that has changed to along with so many other things in my life since I first started Sobriety Fitness. I believe, it has been a very good change, a change I thought I never could imagine me doing or accepting. Writing really helps me see the real me and to me a pen and paper is all I need when facing me. I have even said in my book that my next book will be on forgiveness but now have changed that to a spin-off of my book I just wrote, “Drunk to Sober” Running in a new direction. My next book will be the process at which I will show and explain more in detail to others the importance of having MORE in one’s life and not having more Recovery one is so programmed to think in order to stay sober or clean. I feel when you are recovered you look at your life with more meaning and wanting to have more in your life…not fearing life.
Hi, my name is Cathy and I am a mother, friend, sister, cousin, Aunt, wife, artist, author, runner and the list can go on. I no longer want to be defined as just and alcoholic I am more than that. Choose how you want to be defined in your life and that will be your destiny. I am MORE today!
I ran today no longer fearing what people will think when I shared my blog today and that is soooooooooooooo freeing to be me! I am more for that…